David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Feb. 22, 2005

A solid lesson in a New York minute

There are a few invaluable lessons I've learned since becoming an adult. Some are more important than others. Don't wear your socks out in the rain. That's good, solid advice, but it won't change your life. Either take off your socks or put on some shoes. Socks are good for sliding around in the house, but even a quick trip to the mailbox on a rainy Saturday morning is too much to ask of socks.

Another lesson I've learned is to never toss a little kid in the air after a big spaghetti dinner. Sometimes a toddler tanked up on carbs will want to play right after eating, and he'll ask you to roughhouse with him. Believe me on this one: Follow Nancy Reagan's advice and just say no. Everyone will be glad you did.

Another savvy kernel of wisdom relates to extended warranties, specifically on items less than, say, $500. It doesn't matter if you're buying a $9.99 toaster, the sales clerks at some stores will always recommend you purchase the extended warranty. "It's for your own protection over the life of the product," they say. Then, when you decline, the guy seems sincerely surprised, like everyone else buys them but you're too dumb to realize what a great deal it the extended warranty is. An extended warranty may be a good idea on a $25,000 car you plan to drive for years and years and years, but otherwise just forget it.

On the big wheel of life, however, extended warranties, free-falling regurgitated pasta and soggy footwear aren't terribly important.

For me, the most important thing I've learned in adulthood is this: People make time for whatever they want to make time for.

When people say they don't have time to do something, what they really mean is that they have better, more important things to do. "I don't have time" has become an American euphemism designed to make us feel better about what we're not doing. We know there are things we should be doing rather than what we are doing, but if we tell ourselves that we "don't have time," we feel a little better about it. Rather than take accountability for our decisions, we shuffle the blame off on "limited time." We make Earth's 24-hour day the scapegoat. It really is too bad the planet doesn't rotate a little slower.

Here's a little example about what I'm talking about. Last summer, the wife and I left the kids with their grandparents and jetted away for four fun-packed days in The World's Second Home. (For some reason, New York now wants to be our Second Home rather than The Big Apple. No, I don't know why either. The Big Apple fits perfectly.)

While there, we met a guy who has spent his professional life working in the television industry. He does audio -- setting up microphones, mixing, editing, whatever. During the conversation, he mentioned how he wished he could have spent more time with his wife and kids rather than working 60, 70, 80 hours a week rubbing shoulders with TV personalities and executives.

I asked him why he didn't spend more time with them. He said he was too busy with work and, you guessed it, "didn't have the time."

Well, maybe it was the late hour. Maybe it was my New York state of mind, a la Billy Joel. Maybe it was the fact that we had spent much of the day plowing through an endless sea of New Yorkers and tourists, but at that moment I wasn't my normal, reserved, nodding self.

I called him on it. I reminded him that we are free to make our own decisions. If your job is taking too much time away from your family, you can find another job. We all have real-world responsibilities to maintain, but no one has to work 60 hours a week. That's a cop-out. If you work that much, it's because you want to. You may tell people that your family is your top priority, but your actions, not your words, reveal your true priorities. You are what you do, not what you say.

Well the guy didn't like that too much. He got up and left. I didn't mean to offend, but I just get tired of people complaining about decisions that they themselves make. It's OK he left. It's not like I'll ever see him again. Besides, what's the point of being in New York if you're not going to offend someone once in a while?

"I don't have time to exercise ... to vote ... to eat right ... to travel ... to read a newspaper ... to get a checkup ... to say hi to my neighbor." Hogwash. We all have the time. My day and your day have just as many hours as the TV guy's day.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.