David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published March 4, 2003

Precipitation is bad enough,
but how about this evaporation?

Evaporation. Condensation. Precipitation. I remember it from fifth-grade science class, or perhaps it was fourth-grade science. Regardless of when I learned it, I am here to say I'm tired of it, the rain.

It's funny. Back when I was a 40-or-so-hours-a-week working stiff with one eye constantly looking toward the weekend, I often secretly enjoyed rainy days. If you're a non-parent hoping to avoid outdoor chores, there's no sweeter sound in the world than the local meteorologist predicting gloom and doom. So what if the grass is long enough to tickle your knees? That just means it's healthy.

A rainy day at our house meant extended couch duty, followed by emergency lounging and high-level snacking. The gutters, lawn, flowers, leaves and mulch would have to wait.

But that was before we had kids. Things are a tad different now. My couch and I haven't enjoyed a relaxing afternoon together in I don't know how long. In fact, my faithful companion has threatened to divorce me on the grounds of neglect. These days, high-level snacking is when I get to taste a new flavor of fruit roll-up. Most notably, however, is that I can't hit the day's "pause" button when it rains. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, life goes on, and extended periods of rainy days can be a killer.

I have an energetic toddler whose apparent sole purpose in her young life is to go outside. Sometimes she brings me her shoes, drops them in my lap and then just stares at me.

She's an explorer. "Here" holds limited interest for her. "There" is infinitely more interesting, and there's much more "there" outside. Of course, the best thing about "there" is that once you arrive, it turns into "here," thus creating even more "there" than when you started. I doubt she treats all of this with such metaphysical wonder, but she thoroughly enjoys the outdoors nonetheless.

When it rains for seemingly a month straight, "there" and "here" vanish. It's always "here" indoors. I don't know why, but it just is. Even with more toys, books and puzzles than you can shake a rain gauge at, there's no substitute for going outside. My 2-month-old son could care less about going outside, but being cooped up in the house really starts to irk my daughter.

And it's not as though all those rainy days happened while it was cold. There were plenty of reasonably warm February days during which my caged toddler could have broken free from her domestic dungeon had the evaporation-condensation-precipitation cycle not been running more than double the month's average. That's the real kick in the teeth -- we were treated to a handful of unseasonably mild February days only to have them frittered away by rain. Sometimes our atmosphere can be a real inconvenience.

I suppose the precipitation portion of the cycle gets a bad rap. Evaporation and condensation are co-conspirators, too. They're just as guilty. If the water didn't evaporate from the ground, it wouldn't condense in the clouds, and thereby wouldn't fall back to the ground. We curse the rain, but we really should curse the evaporation. That's what gets the ball rolling. Oh, and that lousy condensation -- don't get me started on condensation. Getting my Diet Coke can all sweaty in the summer is bad enough.

Add it all up and it spells confusion and disappointment for one little girl and stress and tension for her father, but we persevere. February is over, and March is here. Although March is traditionally a wet month, as is April, they're all steps toward spring.

Ahh, spring. It's a time when a young lad's attention turns toward, well, you know, and a 30-something father's attention turns toward releasing the offspring into the great outdoors. It's a time of rebirth. It's a time of new beginnings. It's a time of affirmation.

Most importantly, however, it's a time when we can get the heck out of "here" and go "there." Anna, go find your shoes.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.