David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Nov. 18, 2003

Kicking your brother an easy lesson to learn

"If you kick your brother, you're going to bed for the rest of the night."

It's simple cause and effect. If this happens, that will follow. Even my 2-year-old understands it. Consequently, she doesn't kick her little brother anymore. Well, OK, not as often.

As much as I hate to dig up the long-dead Dixie Chicks issue, something has happened recently which reminded me of it, and it also made me take note of how I discipline my kids. Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore lost his job last week because he refused to remove a 5,000-pound block of granite from the state courthouse. I think there is some wording of a religious nature carved into the rock, too. Maybe that had something to do with it. A federal judge ordered Moore to remove the block, but he didn't move it.

"If you kick your brother, you're going to bed for the rest of the night."

"If you don't pick up your block, you're going to lose your job."

I get the feeling Moore knew it was coming. A judge can't willingly disobey court orders and get away with it, and I'm fairly certain a man smart enough to become state Supreme Court chief justice knows it.

"I have absolutely no regrets," Moore said. "I have done what I was sworn to do." That doesn't sound like a surprised man to me. Moore knew he was going to get in trouble for what he did, and, to his credit, he took his medicine. He chose to defy the law because he felt strongly about having the Ten Commandments in his courthouse. It's not the line in the sand I would have drawn, but I can appreciate his passion and commitment.

Sometimes we back ourselves into corners because we feel it's the right thing to do. For instance, take my threat against my daughter. I don't like to threaten her with punishment, but she leaves me no choice. Kicking her little brother simply is not an option. Therefore I tell her that if she does it again, she's going to pay a heavy price. The rules are set. She knows them, and I know them. All that's left to do is see what transpires.

A 2-year-old is a 2-year-old, so you don't have to be a child psychologist to guess what happens next. She kicks her brother. It's not a hard kick. It doesn't even make Phil cry, but it's a kick. She could have kicked him a lot harder, but all she wants to do is see if Dad would follow through on his threat.

So here's the corner I've backed myself into. There are no options left. If I back down now, she'll think Dad is soft and easily manipulated. The problem, for her, is that I am not soft and easily manipulated. It may be only 6:20 at night, but it is now bedtime. It was her decision to make. She screams, she cries, she sobs, she thrashes about, but she doesn't leave her bed until the next morning.

Lesson learned.

Open defiance will not be tolerated, and actions have consequences. Just like the judge, she'll lose every time.

Which brings me to the Dixie Chicks ruckus from earlier this year. Remember that? The lead singer badmouthed President Bush and the war in Iraq during an overseas concert, and then she was blasted by the media, many of her fans and plenty her fellow country artists. Natalie Maines, the singer who made the anti-Bush comments, seemed a little miffed that her comments resulted in such problems for her and her fellow Chicks. The resulting flap had a somewhat chilling effect on their success. In fact, a good friend of mine in the music biz told me that plenty of country radio stations still don't play Dixie Chicks songs today.

As far as I'm concerned, Maines needed to learn the same lesson that I'm trying to teach my 2-year-old. Actions have consequences. Maines can say whatever she wants -- it's a guaranteed right -- but that doesn't mean she's immune from the consequences.

That's the difference between Maines and Moore. The judge accepted responsibility and took his whuppin'. The Chick didn't. She bellyached about it. The judge may change his tune once he talks to his lawyer, but for now he's put his principles where his mouth is.

Anna, well, she just woke up the next morning and told Phil she was sorry.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.