David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Oct. 14, 2003

Would you trade liberty for a nap?

Yes, the United States the world's most dominant superpower. Sure, our policies set the stage for democracies across the globe. Oh, and don't forget that we set the standard for economic progress in modernized societies. Not too shabby.

Would you give up all of it for a nap? Just a 20-minute on-the-job snooze after lunch? Tempted? I am.

Chile is no superpower, and it's not a democratic role model, and I'm not sure if they even have an economy - for all I know, llamas are the leading financial indicators. That being said, Chile is years ahead of the United States in shuteye sciences.

The Chilean Congress has begun debating a proposal to give workers the right to take a 20-minute siesta after their lunch.

Take a good look at that sentence and pay particular attention to the word "right." Yes, it would be a right. It's not a recommendation nor advice nor is it a suggestion. If passed, a 20-minute nap would be a RIGHT. We Americans have rights, too, you know. We can assemble, worship freely, bear arms, get a lawyer's advice when we're arrested, and, if you follow the Beastie Boys' mantra, we have the right to party.

If you moved to Chile, you'd have the right to nap.

Beautiful.

Deputy Rodolfo Seguel, of the Christian Democrats, says every worker should have the right to take a 20-minute midday siesta because studies show that it would increase productivity and cut the risk of accidents. But opponents have argued that a siesta would disrupt the working day and harm the economy. Some even raised concerns about where employees would sleep and whether employers would be forced to provide beds.

Can you imagine such a wonderful thing? Picture it. You're toiling away on the assembly line or in your office cubicle. It's been a really long morning. Your boss has been in your ear, you're way behind on your work, and you're ready to blow a gasket. Just as your left ventricle is about to burst, your lunch break mercifully comes. You scarf down a 12-inch salami sub, a bag of Funyuns, a plumb and a diet root beer Shasta. A satisfying meal, but you need more. More what? Shasta? No. Salami? No. Funyuns? Definitely not. What you really need is a nap -- just a quick little catnap to get you through the rest of your day.

In America, the only person who takes a nap after lunch is the boss. Am I right? But in Chile, if Seguel's measure is approved, everyone gets a little sack time after lunch, and the boss, assuming he's even awake at this point in the day, couldn't say a thing. After all, it's a right. If the boss wants to give you static about your nap, tell him to take it up with the president and add, "Wake me up in 20. I'll be at my desk exercising my rights with my head back, a small river of slobber streaming down the corner of my mouth and my feet propped up on my desk."

Sadly, I'm one of those people who is not a good nap-taker. More often that not, I feel worse when I take a nap. It's almost as if I'm more tired after a nap than I was before the nap. Anything less than six hours of continuous sleep just throws me out of whack.

I wish I were a good napper. My wife is. She can kick back in a chair, snooze for 20 minutes and wake up feeling completely refreshed, as if she'd been sleeping all night. She makes napping seem like a truly wonderful experience.

Maybe all I need to be a good napper is a constitutionally protected right. Perhaps the government's backing would settle my nerves and allow my brain to benefit from a solid 20-minute slumber.

To Rodolfo Seguel, I say good luck and sweet dreams. If you're able to push through this brilliant piece of legislation, I may have to hop a plane to Santiago. The trouble is that I can't sleep on an airplane either, so when we land I may need to lie down for a few hours. I'd hate to sleep through my first legal nap.

· · ·
David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.