Ed Wood "The Right Stuff" Published Dec. 18, 2002

Iraqi inspections a farce or trap?

As I write this, the United Nations Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission, or the UN arms inspectors, as they are commonly known, have completed nearly three weeks of work, less a few days off for Muslim Holy Days, Ramadan, etc. They are charged with the responsibility of discovering Saddam Hussein's stockpile of "weapons of mass destruction," whatever that means. And of course, they have found nothing.

Let's see if we can put this thing into a local perspective. Suppose your county exec suspected -- no, let's say he has positive proof -- that a meth lab is operating on a farm in the county. What would he do? Well, he would call in the sheriff and tell him to clean it up. But if the sheriff followed the example of Swedish diplomat Hans Blix, chairman of the UN inspection team, he would, first of all, call the farm owner, tell him of his suspicions, and ask him to send a letter stating that he is not operating a meth lab. The sheriff would then ask permission to send some people by in a week or so to take a look, just to make sure the farmer hadn't the overlooked any incriminating evidence. At the agreed-upon date, he would round up a few non-professionals, a couple of college men and women, perhaps a liberal arts professor or two who wouldn't know a meth lab if they saw one, and maybe even a minister of the gospel, just to make sure the team didn't cuss or anything, and send them to visit the farm.

Upon their arrival, the farmer would invite them in, offer them a cup of coffee, and show them around the place. They would visit a few a few barns and things, and talk about last summer's drought. Of course, the farmer isn't stupid. He isn't going to show them anything suspicious, and the timid group sent by the sheriff isn't going to ask to see anything that might be incriminating.

So has it been with the UN inspectors. They haven't found anything as they are being escorted around the "farm," and aren't likely to find anything either. After all, Saddam Hussein has had 11 years since the Gulf War to hide his evidence, and isn't about to show it to these Keystone Cops and their entourage of newspaper and TV reporters.

OK, so that's the farce. But where's the trap? Well, the county executive, and in real-life, the president of the Unites States, has promised to clean up the mess - with or without the sheriff's, or the United Nations', assistance. But how does he get the support for such serious action if the sheriff's men, or their real-life counterpart, the UN inspection team, says they can find no evidence of wrongdoing?

Back in real life, Saddam has presented to the UN his 13,000-page, highly technical document, written mostly in Arabic of course, which is reported to provide proof of his innocence.

President Bush has repeatedly stated that the opposite is true, and that he has the hard evidence to prove it. But therein lies the trap. Bush's fate is largely in the hands of Chairman Hans Blix, who so far has shown little interest in uncovering anything that would support his claim. And without such evidence, Bush will look like the power-grabbing tyrant Saddam has made him out to be.

Like the Texas poker player that he is, so far President Bush has held his cards very close to his vest, waiting to see what Saddam actually confesses to before springing his evidence to the contrary.

But the time is fast approaching for a showdown, and President Bush had better be holding aces. Preferably all four of them!

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Ed Wood is a resident of Sparta, TN. His column is published each Wednesday in the Crossville Chronicle.