Ed Wood "The Right Stuff" Published May 29, 2002

How do I feel about cell phones?

Cell phones -- I hate 'em!

No, that's not quite right. I don't really hate cellular telephones. They are great examples of 21st century electronic genius. Now you can talk to anybody, anywhere in the state, the country, even the world - with no wires attached. An accomplishment we could only dream of a few short years ago. They are marvelous in times of emergency, tremendous time-savers, great for ordering pizzas during a basketball game, and wonderful status symbols!

So it's not the phones. What really bugs me are the manners, or lack of them, exhibited by cellular phone users. First of all, I understand that the things must make some kind of noise to attract the attention of the person being called. But wouldn't a simple jingle be sufficient, without having to listen to the entire first movement of Beethoven's Fur Elise? And does it have to be so loud that it can be heard clear across a crowded restaurant, or to the second balcony in the movie theater? The newer ones can be made to jiggle instead of jangle, but then how would the rest of us know that the owner is important enough to have a call coming through at that particular moment?

I was at a conference recently where the moderator requested that all cell phones be turned off during the meeting. What happened? A call came through, loud and clear. The speaker stopped his presentation and glared disapprovingly at the cause of the disruption. The recipient answered the call, stood up, and strolled to the nearest exit, talking all the while, out loud, to the person on the other end!

Once the little monster rings, all other social amenities cease to exist. You may be sharing a romantic dinner with your, or someone else's, spouse. But if the jingle jangles, you may as well go on to the men's room because it'll be a while before the ardor of the pre-call moments are restored, if ever! The message is clear. Your lady friend may have no idea who's calling, but whomever it is must be more important than you, because you have just been left to dine alone while she giggles endlessly with somebody you don't even know. And you're paying for the dinner!

Of course there is the alleged danger of cell-talking while driving. But I don't think that's nearly as hazardous as the largely female practice of stroking one's eyelashes with that little bristly thing, or completely covering one's eyes with one hand while applying hair spray with the other -- and all in excess of 75 mph!

No, I don't want to go back to the pre-cell-phone days. I like pizza with my basketball. But a little more consideration for the real live person you were talking to before the cell phone interruption would surely be appreciated.

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Ed Wood is a resident of Sparta, TN. His column is published each Wednesday in the Crossville Chronicle.