David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Dec. 3, 2002

The List is a crucial toy filter

It was an autumn ritual of my youth. I'd lug the Christmas catalogs into the den on Saturday mornings, run upstairs for a heaping bowl of Corn Chex, and then return to my base of operations for two or three hours of animated bliss. During commercials, The List would begin to take shape.

Most kids are familiar with the importance of The List. The List is a filter, designed to let Santa Claus know upon which toys he should focus his efforts. Without The List, Christmas morning is a shot in the dark. You might get the Rock'em Sock'em Robots you were yearning for, but without The List you could easily wind up with a Chia Pet or, even worse, a rock-polishing set complete with battery-operated tumbler. Santa knows who's been naughty and nice, and while that's a fine accomplishment for an elderly man living in seclusion at the North Pole, he needs toy guidance. That's what The List provides.

When I was a wee lad, we had Christmas catalogs. I doubt kids today know what a Christmas catalog is. Today's child develops The List with input from ad circulars from the Sunday paper, television commercials, lazy strolls through Wal-Mart's towering aisles and, first and foremost, the Internet.

For my generation, however, The List started and ended with the Christmas catalogs from Sears and JCPenney.

For you kids who don't know what a Christmas catalog is, allow me to explain. They arrived in the mail (no, not the e-kind - I'm talking about "snail mail") in early September or so. They were huge, hulking, full-color publications boasting hundreds and hundreds of pages of everything an American family could want. They had it all: ties, wrench sets and golf clubs for Dad; perfumes, robes and home furnishings for Mom; and for us kids, toys, toys and toys. Oh, and toys.

The toys were always located in the back of the catalog, so as soon as I got my grimy fingers on one, I'd flip it over to the back and start from there. For some reason, the boys' toys came first -- G.I. Joe, Star Wars, slotted race car tracks, footballs, Atari video games, Matchbox cars, BB guns, Evel Knievel wind-up motorcycles, and all things Tonka. Actually, since I was starting from the back of the catalog, the boys' toys technically came last. Don't bother me with the details, right?

After the boys' stuff came the unisex toys. Now before you get into a twitter over the phrase "unisex toys," I'm referring to toys that boys and girls both would typically enjoy. These are things like Slinky, Spirograph, Shrinky Dinks, Play-Doh, Lite-Brite, Hungry Hungry Hippos, the big 64-crayon box with built-in sharpener, and Cootie. You gotta love Cootie. The unisex area served as a comforting buffer between the boys' and girls' sections. I knew I had turned one page too many when I started seeing the Easy-Bake Oven, Barbie's pink Corvette, Hello Kitty purses, Strawberry Shortcake, and the ubiquitous Raggedy Ann. Ugghhh.

It was from the seemingly wide selection offered by Sears and JCPenney that I'd fashion The List. Determining what to include was always a real dome-scratcher for me. It was all about priorities. Santa is indeed a magical and wonderful man, but he doesn't spoil little kids by bringing them every single toy they show a passing interest in, at least not the Santa who came down my chimney. (I did notice Santa was a little more, shall we say, indulgent of some kids, most of whom expected, practically demanded, to receive anything and everything they jotted down on their Lists. Lots of overcompensation, methinks. Our family's Santa has always been -- and will continue to be -- generous yet realistic.)

My List had to be extensive and varied enough to provide Santa with some measure of flexibility, and yet at the same time it couldn't be so long that it negated the filtering aspect it's designed to establish. Santa needs a clear picture of high-priority suggestions, and too many choices offers no real guidance. I learned early on not to try to out-think Santa. He's a pro. Santa's been at this game a lot longer than I have.

What's on The List this year? Well, I haven't fashioned one yet. Christmas catalogs are tougher to come by these days. You can request them, even buy them, but they're not as comprehensive as they once were. You can blame the WWW for that. I've tried to hunt and peck on the Internet for some ideas, but I don't know where to start. I can't seem to find the back page.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.