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David Spates Nothing wrong with "The Price Is Right" Is there anything better in this life, or
possibly the next, than staying home sick from school and watching
"The Price Is Right" in your pajamas while slurping
down a bowl of chicken noodle soup? No way. And if you happen
to miss the big algebra test that day, then so be it. Sure, it's no fun to be sick, but if you're
going to be sick anyway, you might as well enjoy yourself
a little. Bob Barker makes sick days a whole heckuva lot better,
even if you're a full-grown adult now and Mom's not in a position
to make the chicken noodle soup for you. I saw an ad noting that "The Price Is
Right" is celebrating its 30th anniversary with a special
prime-time show from Vegas, and the memories of staying home
sick from school watching the show hit me like a Plinko chip. Without a doubt, "The Price Is Right"
is the best game show for dimwits. "Jeopardy!" reigns
in the brain-required genre, but for quality turn-your-brain-off-and-crumble-Saltines-into-your-soup
game show entertainment, nothing beats 60 minutes of pricing
games followed by a fabulous Showcase Showdown. Where else can you see a bonehead from Culver
City win three cars simply by selecting the nearest retail price
without going over? Anywhere else in the world, a moron like
that would be thrilled to get an extra-jumbo order of fries even
though he ordered merely the jumbo order, but on "The Price
Is Right" he has a studio filled with people cheering him
on, while Bob's standing to his left sincerely hoping he wins. The pricing games and Showcase Showdown are
big draws for the show's fans of course, but I was always partial
to the process by which prospective contestants won their way
on stage. After being "randomly" (wink, wink) selected
to come on down to Contestants Row, the four then are shown a
charming cherry armoire or some such doodad. Then, Bob asks them
to make their bids, and the person who comes closest to the actual
retail price without going over hops up on stage to play a game. Those are the basic rules of Contestants Row,
but there are a myriad of subtleties I've observed over the years
as I ate my chicken noodle soup and considered whether I wanted
to attempt to extend my illness through the rest of the week. First and foremost, it's a distinct advantage
to bid last -- that way you can employ the bid-one-dollar-more
trick. Say, for instance, the first player bids $400, the second
bids $350, and the third bids $425. If you're reasonably confident
that the charming cherry armoire is more than $425, you can pack
your bags and start planning your Clock Game strategy. Drop in
a bid of $426, and in just a few seconds you'll be shaking Bob's
hand or kissing Bob's cheek. (I secretly always wanted to see
a guy try to kiss Bob's cheek, or better yet, watch a prudish
woman pass on the cheek kiss and settle for the completely asexual
handshake.) Not only does the bid-one-dollar-more trick
almost always guarantee success, but it also irks the guy whose
bid you trumped. Sometimes we even see that guy shoot the winner
a dirty look. Hey, don't think for a second that "The Price
Is Right" contestants don't play hardball when there are
two-person catamarans on the line. Then there's the $1 bid. It's classic. The
theory is the bidder thinks the other bidders have gone over
the retail price, thereby opening the door to ANY bid that's
less. Once again, you almost have to be the final bidder to pull
off this one. Sometimes the third bidder will try to sneak in
the $1 bid, only to be foiled by the fourth bidder who shrewdly
locks in a $2 bid. I've even seen the first bidder go with $1.
What an idiot. I feel sorry for the last person who's invited
to come on down. I mean the very last one of the day. There's
one more pricing game to go, and Bob needs a warm body to fill
the vacant "Is" seat in Contestants Row. Talk about
pressure. The other three folks in Contestants Row have had a
little time to settle in and get their game faces on, but this
last prospect has one and only one shot to make it on stage.
Bases loaded, ninth inning, World Series, Game Seven - a church
picnic compared to what this guy's up against. Sometimes he wins, and that's when, if you
turn your TV up really loud, you can actually hear the other
three contestants' teeth grind, especially if there's one who's
been in Contestants Row since the opening cattle call. That poor schmuck has to go back to his hometown
and explain how he failed to come closest to the retail price
six times in a row. Crushing, simply crushing. What surprises do Bob and Barker's Beauties
have in store for us Thursday night for their show from Sin City?
Who knows. Maybe they'll bring Holly out of retirement and parade
her around with a bedroom suite. (She was always my favorite.
She didn't seem as tarty as the others.) The funny thing is that now, when I'm home
with the baby all day every day, I haven't seen one episode.
I suppose I've too many diapers to change, bottles to mix and
sweet potatoes to extract from her nasal cavity. I know one thing, though. I'll be in my PJs with a piping hot bowl of chicken noodle soup Thursday, for old time's sake. · · · |