David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published July 2, 2002

Nice guys don't finish last,
they finish seventh

"Nice guys finish last." We've heard that cliché all our lives. Men had better be ruthless if they ever want to get ahead, right? There are plenty of men (and plenty of women, too) who treat this silly little phrase as the gospel -- a core belief in which mean-spiritedness is justified. Civility and success don't go together, or so they say.

What a load of, well, you know.

I consider myself to be a fairly nice guy, and I rarely, if ever, finish last. I don't always finish first, either. No one finishes first in everything. That's life. You learn far more from your failures than you do your successes. The notion that only inconsiderate bullies succeed is hogwash, but I suppose it's something the inconsiderate bullies of the world tell themselves to rationalize their poor behavior.

Do you have any idea where the phrase "nice guys finish last" came from?

Well it took a seven-month painstaking and exhaustive research, but I finally found the answer. (Truthfully it was a four-second Google search, but let's not concern ourselves with mundane little details.)

First off, that's not even the correct quote. Leo Durocher, manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers, said, "The nice guys are all over there. In seventh place." He uttered his most famous near-quote in 1946 before a game with the "nice guy" New York Giants. The sportswriters liked the thought, but decided the quote needed some sizzle. Voila! "Nice guys finish last."

What do you ornery people think of that? Not only is your life's credo not a holy edict from On High, it's not even verbatim. It's from some Big Apple sportswriters who were trying to zing up their stories. I've always said the vast majority of athletes are not worthy of direct quotation, and it would seem that the sportswriters of decades past agreed with me. I, however, would never make up a quote. After all, I try to be a nice guy.

There is some kernel of truth to Durocher's famous misquote. There are times when harsh action gets results. I, for one, will sometimes agree to a jerk's request simply to shut him up. It's a bad habit, but there are times when I just don't feel like waging the battle of nice guy vs. mean guy. There are only so many hours in the day, and spending too much time arguing with a jerk is a not time well spent. As long as the request is not too difficult to accommodate, I'll sometimes give the jerk what he wants. I liken it to giving an inconsolable baby a pacifier. It's easy. Be quiet and be gone.

But I realize that caving to a jerk's unkind request just creates a different problem later. When you reward bad behavior, you're setting the stage for the naughtiness to continue. It's that simple. The jerk sees his jerky actions have met with success, so he will continue merrily on his jerk-laden path. I think it may have been one of Newton's laws of motion: "A jerk will continue to be a jerk unless acted upon by an unbalanced force."

If you don't believe me, ask any responsible parent whose child is calm and collected while standing in the check-out line at the grocery store. Properly taught children know tantrums and screams will not result in candy. Unruly children of spineless parents, however, know all they have to do is throw a fit to score goodies. Sure, candy is no big deal in the great scheme of things, but it teaches a lesson that lasts.

That's why I feel like a chump when I cave in to a jerk. It sends the wrong message. I don't reward my daughter with what she wants when she behaves badly, so why should I surrender to a jerk I don't even know? I'll try to do better, I promise. We nice guys and gals have a responsibility to stand in the way of jerks, otherwise we're just creating more jerks, and I think the world has plenty.

If I'm wrong and it turns out that only jerks succeed, then we, the nice people, must shoulder some of the blame. Somewhere along the line, we should have stopped them.

Finally, I should give credit to the guy who clarified the "nice guys finish last" misquotation. Ralph Keyes' book "Nice Guys Finish Seventh": False Phrases, Spurious Sayings, and Familiar Misquotations shows that many of our popular sayings are misquoted and misattributed. For instance, "The opera ain't over 'til the fat lady sings," evolved from an older saying: "Church ain't out 'til the fat lady sings." I think I've been to a few of those services.

Also, "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing," was the slogan of UCLA coach Red Sanders, not Vince Lombardi. I'm sure that's true, but I won't tell the Cheeseheads. It would crush them. I'll keep my mouth shut.

Like I said, I try to be a nice guy.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.