David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Oct. 8, 2002

E-funerals send a
mixed message at best

I attended Belle Williams' funeral Thursday. Well, sort of. I was there in spirit. Well, not really. OK, let's just say I was there in e-spirit and leave it at that.

Does anyone else get the feeling that maybe the Internet is making some things a little TOO convenient? Case in point -- there are now e-funerals. Say hallelujah. Did Al Gore have this in mind when he invented the Internet? If you can't attend a loved one's funeral in person, you can point and click your way to a live broadcast of the service. How's that for progress?

Also, if you're just so busy you can't even attend the funeral service's live "webcast," you can watch the rerun at your convenience. So leave your black suit or black dress in the closet and type www.funeral-cast.com. After all, paying your last respects is important, but shouldn't be a bother, should it?

I like and use the Internet as much as the next guy, but this is getting a little ridiculous. Some things shouldn't be easy. Some things are worthy of a smattering of effort. This isn't buying a CD or looking up airplane arrival times or checking a bank account balance, this is Belle Williams' funeral. If I cared anything about her, I would have attended the funeral in person. I would have made the effort.

Funerals are serious. They mean something to people. Part of the reason people make an effort to attend funerals is because the effort shows respect for the deceased and it shows respect for the family left behind. The important part is the attendance. It's rare when anyone remembers what was said at a funeral, but most folks know who was there and who wasn't.

How much respect is involved with watching a funeral on the computer? There you are -- slumped over in your undies with the computer screen casting a flickering glow on you and your Dorito-stained fingers as you "pay your respects" to Aunt Lisa and simultaneously chatting with PumaGirl, SkynyrdFan and SexyBob4235, all the while scouring the Web for the latest Anna Kournikova photos.

Welcome to the information age. Broadcasting funerals over the Internet is an extreme example of how the Web can make things too easy.

Have you ever gotten an e-birthday card? Do you even bother clicking on the link? Again, it's all about the effort. With a real birthday card, you must drive to the drug store, look through the immense wall of Hallmark offerings, select a good card that to a degree reflects both you and the person whose birth you're celebrating, buy the card, drive home, hand-write a personalized message under the card's prepared statement, address the envelope, plunk down 37 cents for postage, drag your tongue across the envelope's thin layer of surprisingly tasty horse glue, and then walk the envelope to the mailbox. Don't forget to put up the little red flag.

With an e-card, however, there's very little effort, and everyone knows it. A real birthday card shows you were thinking of the person long before the actual birthday. E-cards say, "I remembered your birthday just in time to e-mail you this Web link. Enjoy the dancing ostrich."

It's not that I don't appreciate the small measure of thoughtfulness an e-card conveys, but it establishes your place in that person's hierarchy - somewhere between "complete stranger" and "stamp-worthy." Sometimes that's just the way relationships go. Not everyone is worthy of a stamp.

Everything's easier on the Internet. Back in the day, if you wanted to know something specific, sometimes you had to do -- gasp! -- a little work. What's the main ingredient in Juju Bees? You won't find that tidbit in the Almanac, that's for sure. In what city did Stevie Wonder open his last tour? Unless you know a huge Stevie fan, that answer will be tough to come by. Was Alexander The Great really gay? Don't ask me, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Today you can find the answers to those and a million other questions by typing a few keywords into a search engine. It's easy. Maybe it's too easy. You don't need to know the answers, you just need to know how to log on.

The spreading of information is a good thing, but I hope we as a society don't forget how to interact with one another. Real live people are far more interesting than Web pages, chatrooms and e-mail. I'll bet Belle Williams was fascinating.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.