|
|
David Spates At least Dubya's not a slimeball Will Dubya be the perfect president? I doubt
it. Will the economy skyrocket under Dubya's leadership as it
did under Clinton's? Who knows. The president has very little
influence over the economy-of-the-moment anyway. Presidential
effect on the economy probably cannot be accurately gauged until
he (or someday she) is long gone. The Fed chairman is about the
only guy who has the clout to impact our nation's 5 o'clock economy
with a noon press conference. Like most politicians I keep a passing notice
of, my expectations of Dubya aren't terribly high. What will
be refreshing, however, is that regardless of what happens with
the U.S. economy, Iraq, the Middle East, defense spending, homelessness,
bad haircuts, bad restaurant service and any of the other crucial
issues we face, at least we won't have a running joke in the
Oval Office. As Bill Clinton's presidential residue continues
to be examined, the more relieved I am that there's a different
kind of man at the helm. Dubya may not be the sharpest knife
in the drawer, but I guarantee you we won't be enduring the kind
of low-rent scandals during the next four years as we did during
the last eight. I fully expect the next crop of presidential
scandals -- and every president has at least a scandal or two
-- will be of a substantially higher class. No oral sex in the Oval Office with dim-witted,
thong-wearing interns. No finger-wagging denials of infidelity.
No laughable attempt to skirt around the definition of "is."
No pardons for fugitive billionaire financiers. No impeachments.
No DNA testing of the president's bodily fluids. Let me put it this way. Apparently, during
the big Monica ruckus, the U.S. public schools' Internet-filtering
software restricted student access to many news-oriented Web
sites. Because the filtering software restricts access based
solely on content, the software determined CNN, MSNBC and other
news sites simply included too much sexual content. Thanks to
Clinton's inability to restrain himself, students couldn't view
those Web sites anymore than they could check out the Playmate
of the Month. I just don't see that happening with Dubya,
do you? We may disagree with a president's politics
and decisions, but on some level we should always respect the
office even if we don't respect the man (or someday woman). Clinton
did more than any president in modern history to bring disrespect
to the office. His administration was nothing more than a series
of late-night punchlines, and I for one am thrilled that he's
gone. Not so much because of what a president can or cannot do
in matters of U.S. policy and leadership, but because Clinton
is a slimeball. It's that simple. As I said, Dubya is by no means
the perfect person for the job, but he's not a slimeball. Boy, that last sentence speaks volumes about
our (or perhaps just my) below-sea-level expectations of a leader.
"At least he's not a slimeball." The U.S. president
is arguably the most powerful elected person in the world, and
all I ask is that he or she not be a slimeball. These are quite
heady times, aren't they? Through it all, however, Clinton's approval
rating soars. I just don't get that. I wish someone could explain
that one to me. Apparently - like tractor pulls, nonalcoholic
beer, hot dogs and "Survivor" - Clinton appeals to
people other than me. Some people just love the guy, but I think
they like him from a distance. Ask them if they enjoy his political
prowess and watching him make a jerk of himself on TV and many
folks will give him high marks. However, ask that same person
if he'd trust Clinton in the same room with his 18-year-old daughter
and I dare say you'd get an intensely different response. Would
you let your daughter, regardless if she's dim-witted or prefers
thongs, anywhere near this guy? I thought so. And yet he's loved
by millions of people. Explain that to me. To put it all in perspective, allow me to
take a look back at the presidents who have occupied the big
chair since I entered the world more than 30 years ago. Nixon -- A lying weasel who, relative to Clinton's
pardon price list, got a real bargain. Had he not resigned, he,
not Clinton, would have been impeachee No. 2. Ford -- Seemed like a decent enough fellow,
but I think folks were irked he pardoned Nixon before they could
have a crack at him. No way this guy was going to be elected. Carter -- Simply too nice. Did some good work
with nuclear arms treaties, but he was in the wrong place at
the wrong time when inflation and interest rates were higher
than Jack Nicholson on the set of Easy Rider. Reagan - Made some questionable calls but
did a lot to restore a sense of nationalism to the United States.
He had his share of scandals, too, but you certainly can't make
a case that the guy is a slimeball. I get the sense that even
when he did things he shouldn't have, at least he did them because
he thought they were the right thing for the country. Bush, Part I - Like Reagan, some questionable
calls, but again I think he tried to do what he thought was best
for the country. I'm still waiting for someone to offer a clear
and concise explanation of the Iran-Contra Affair. Clinton -- Just remember to keep an eye on
your daughters and everything will be OK. |