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David Spates There are a lot of At some point this month, the following conversation
- or one closely resembling it - will take place. You can bank
on it. Me: "Whatcha watching?" Loving wife: "The Olympics. Diving." Me, with eyes rolling: "Well, isn't there
anything good on?" Wife, who now loves me slightly less: "I
like diving. After this they're going to show gymnastics." Me: "But those aren't even ..." Still loving, but now irritated, wife: "Oh,
be quiet! I know you don't think they're sports. Just go away.
I like it. Don't you have one of your little columns to write
or something?" Me, sensing defeat and not wishing to pursue
it any further: "I'll go watch TV in the bedroom." Every time the Olympics come around we go
through the old is-it-a-sport-or-not argument. She doesn't necessarily
disagree with me that activities like gymnastics, diving and
synchronized swimming clearly are not sports in the same vein
as objective contests like soccer, basketball or even archery,
but nonetheless the topic always seems to present itself during
the Olympics. For my money, you simply cannot consider an
activity a sport whose winners and losers are determined solely
by subjective judges. With sports like soccer, baseball, running,
badminton and table tennis, there are clearly defined rules,
and the manner in which one wins at these games is completely
evident. Sure, you need officials to make determinations of when
the rules are being broken, but the outcome of the event is not
defined completely by a handful of judges proclaiming who wins
and loses. In activities like synchronized swimming,
diving and gymnastics, you have no idea who's going to win the
gold, silver and bronze medals until the judges tell you. Now
how can that be considered a sport? Sit down and watch the 100-meter
dash and you can readily determine who wins -- the first guy
who crosses the finish line. Duh! There's not some judge who
comes out and says he didn't like your style or technique and
therefore the guy who finished after you has been proclaimed
the winner. Gymnasts, synchronized swimmers and divers
are athletic, obviously, but theirs are not sports. Anytime the
winner is determined by subjective judges, it's not a sport.
And when an activity relies on musical accompaniment as a crucial
part of its performance, it's not a sport. I won't even get started
on the gymnasts who wave around that stick with a ribbon on it.
The same goes for figure skating -- same idea. Is there anything wrong with watching figure
skating, gymnastics or the like? Absolutely not. As I said, the
competitors are quite athletic and it's obvious that they've
dedicated their lives striving to be the best at what they do.
But it's not a sport. So what am I looking forward to during these
Olympics? I've always been partial to the events where people
throw stuff. It's so simple and elegant. "Here, take this
stick and see how far you can throw it. If you throw it farther
than anyone else, you're the winner." And of course, there's any number of items
on hand to heave. You can throw the discus, shot put, hammer
and javelin. I think we need to add some items to the throwing
sports world. How about a computer throw? That would be cool.
Office workers all over the world could finally take out their
aggressions on their machines. Or how about the whiffle ball
throw? That would be fun. A 2 mph breeze could alter the outcome
considerably. So enjoy the Olympics, sports and non-sports
alike. Just don't call my house when the individual rhythmic gymnastics event is on. The wife and I will be busy. |