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David Spates Magazines and Italian What was I thinking? It's kind of like when
you're really hungry at a restaurant and your appetite causes
you to lose touch with reality. So there you are asking the waiter
to bring you a full order of bruschetta, a bowl of lentil soup,
a Caesar salad and grilled salmon fettucini. "Oh, and by
the way, go ahead and have the dessert chef start working on
a fresh batch of espresso tiramisu." All that in addition
to the bread and olive oil that are served with every meal. You get halfway through your salad before
you realize that you'll be taking home the rest of this feast
in a Styrofoam box - better make that boxes. This is exactly what happened to me a couple
of months ago, except I wasn't at my favorite Italian place,
and I wasn't hungry. I was at home, I had nothing interesting
to read, and my wife handed me a list of magazine names and told
me to pick seven. It turns out that we flew on Northwestern
Airlines some years ago and accumulated "Air Points"
or "Sky Bonuses" or whatever it is they call their
frequent flyer program. We don't have occasion to fly on Northwestern
very often, so we had only a few points, and they were about
to expire. The only thing for which we could redeem them was
magazine subscriptions. Saddened that I wouldn't be able to cash them
in on something more useful like a monogrammed travel bag or
an executive office putting green, I fought my way through the
tears and began to look at the magazine list. Did I mention that I didn't have anything
in the house interesting to read? I do now. It's been about two months since I picked
seven magazine titles, and the first few issues have started
to appear in my mailbox. Here I am, sitting on my couch staring
at three weeks' worth of magazines that I haven't even touched,
all the while 2-day-old salmon pasta circles its way in my microwave. My seemingly insatiable hunger for something
interesting to read has since been satisfied by the thick book
I'm reading about the Nazis' obsession with fighting cancer.
Unfortunately, the Nazis have left little free-reading time for
my glut of periodicals. Damn those Nazis! Once again my eyes are bigger than my stomach,
or in this case, my free time. Truthfully, however, it's a good
problem to have. I'd much rather have too many things available
to read than not enough. I'm not complaining, mind you, it's
just funny to me that the same problem I've had at my favorite
Italian restaurant exists in other situations. And it's not like I'm looking at a pile of
magazines that would be a cure for insomnia, either. I have to
hand it to the fine folks at Northwestern. They provided me with
a dandy list. I've got Sports Illustrated, Newsweek, Utne Reader,
Gear, National Geographic and eCompany Now. (I'm not sure what
I was thinking when I selected that last one. I think I had visions
of developing the next Amazon or eBay, quitting my job, cashing
in on a fat IPO and retiring to Naples, where I hear you can
get some outstanding Italian food.) I know there is at least one more magazine
I ordered that I just haven't seen yet. For the life of me I
cannot remember what it is. In my determination to use all my
Northwestern free magazine points, who knows what will arrive
next? For all I know, it might be a copy of Shuffleboard Monthly. Actually, a little shuffleboard sounds like fun. Perhaps I could squeeze it into my day. I'd need to buy a shuffleboard court, then some shuffleboard sticks and those little shuffleboard discs. Then I'd probably need some appropriate shuffleboard shoes and shuffleboard attire. Of course, I'd have to sign up for shuffleboard lessons, maybe join a shuffleboard league. |