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David Spates You can't wrap a fish in an e-paper Is there anything better in this world then
flipping through a decent Sunday newspaper? The trouble is, unless
you live in a major metropolis like Atlanta, New York or D.C.,
a respectable day-filling Sunday newspaper just isn't a feasible
option. Sure, you could shuffle off to the store and pick up
a copy of the Journal-Constitution, Times or Post,
but then the mood is shattered. Unless the newspaper is wrapped
in plastic and covered in morning dew, it's just not the same. So what are we, who live in suburbia and beyond,
to do? I have found myself turning to the Internet. Like nearly
everything else on the Web, newspapers are a poor substitute
for the real deal. You can't spread a cyber-newspaper all over
the living room floor and browse through its sections. You can't
use the classified section of a cyber-newspaper as a placemat
for your bowl of Honey-Nut Cheerios. You can't share a cyber-newspaper
with your spouse. And besides, who wants to spend all Sunday
afternoon sitting in front of their computer? However, in a pinch, the Internet will suffice
(particularly when you have a weekly newspaper column to write
and your idea tank is dry as a bone). Plus, you can look through
as many newspapers as you like without plunking down $2 a pop. So let's take a look at some of the more interesting
stories I found on the Web Sunday afternoon ... *Here's another story about that moronic bimbo,
Darva Conger, who "won" on "Who Wants To Marry
A Multi-Millionaire?" Is there anyone who's still interested
in this twit with a bad dye job? She's a Gulf War vet. She's
not a Gulf War vet. Who cares? Anyone stupid enough to think
that a multi-millionaire who wasn't a complete bozo would need
to hold a contest to find a spouse deserves what she gets. Have
you taken a good look at that Rick Rockwell? He looks like one
of the stages of man you see at the natural history museum. I
think he occupied the spot somewhere between Peking Man and Neanderthal.
The last time I saw a cranial ridge like that was at the zoo.
I guess in a society that trivializes marriage to the extent
ours does, I guess it's no surprise this is still a hot topic. *Here's a great story I spotted on the Washington
Post's site. There's a law in Louisiana mandating that public
school students use courtesy titles and take courses on manners
and respect. Responding to a question with a simple "yes"
or "no" doesn't cut it anymore. It's "yes, ma'am"
or "no, sir." I've got some mixed feelings about this.
First, I don't think it's the state's responsibility to teach
children manners. Government tries to stick its nose into our
business too much as it is, and I'm not sure this is the best
way to spend the taxpayers' hard-earned dollars. However, civility
and respect seems to have gone out the window with some children,
and for that we can blame the parents. Most kids aren't disrespectful,
but there are plenty who are. If the parents fail to instill
respect in their kids, then I suppose it's a good thing they
get it one way or another. Parents who don't have the backbone
to enforce discipline are going to end up with disrespectful
kids. It's that simple. Parents aren't supposed to be their kids'
best buddies. Parents are supposed to be parents. *Now, one last story I'd like to share with you (regardless if you're reading this on the Chronicle's Web site or on the actual newspaper itself). Not only is there more of us in the world, there's more of us in the world. The world's population is getting fatter. Plus, it turns out, there are approximately the same number of overweight people as underfed people in the world - about 1.1 billion of each. Interestingly enough, the causes are the same for each end of the spectrum - malnutrition. And get this twist: The rich and well-educated in developing countries like India, China and Brazil are growing fatter as the poor and uneducated go hungry. Conversely, in industrialized countries like the United States, England and Germany, the rich and well-educated are losing weight because they're eating right, while the poor and not-so-educated are getting huge on a diet of cheap and fatty fast food. I just find it bizarre that there can be such a chasm between the haves and the have-nots in the world. How any child can go hungry at night, whether from a lack of food or stuffed with nutritionally-absent Happy Meals, simply boggles my mind. |