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David Spates Here's how to have happy holidays I have discovered the key to holiday bliss. Does it involve finding the perfect linen
trivet you saw in this month's issue of Martha Stewart Living? Does it involve stringing electric lights
on your home's rusted gutters? Does it involve taking out a second mortgage
in order to finance your Christmas list in the hope your purchases
will compensate for personal neglect you've demonstrated in the
past 11 months? Does the key to holiday bliss involve writing
Christmas cards to friends and relatives you don't bother to
stay in touch with during the other 364 days of the year? No, no, no and no. The best way to get the most enjoyment out
of the holiday season is to relax and do as much or as little
as you like. Despite the Madison Avenue weasels' successful attempts
to commercialize the holidays into nothing more than a months-long
shopping spree at your and your credit card's expense, the holidays
can truly be a wonderful and relaxing time of year, but the decision
is yours. The holidays have been a source of stress
for me and my wife for years. In addition to wading through catalogs,
Web sites and malls to find the perfect gifts for friends and
family, we also spent days searching for great gifts to give
one another. I don't mind shopping for friends and family, really
I don't. With the right mind set, it can actually be kind of
fun. Shopping for my wife, however, has always
been a headache, and her task of shopping for me is no joy either. For us, getting a suggestion from the other
has always been a matter of "I asked you first." "What would you like for Christmas?" "I don't know. What would you like for
Christmas?" "I don't know. What would you like for
Christmas?" "I don't know. What would you like for
Christmas?" "I don't know. I asked you first." It's hard to move past the "I asked you
first" snag. It's really a good point. After having that conversation no less than
17 times last December, we finally wised up and decided not to
give each other Christmas presents. Neither one of us could think
of anything we wanted, so we decided to just skip the stress
and not buy junk we did not desire nor need. Once we reached
that accord, the cosmic tumblers clicked into place, the fog
was lifted from our souls, trumpets blared a triumphant tone,
and true holiday bliss we were granted. From that point on, the rest of the holiday
season was downhill. Now obviously we must all make certain concessions
to reality when it comes to trimming the fat from our holiday
"to-do" list. You can't make a no-gift-exchange pact
with your little sprite-eyed offspring right before you lay out
the milk and cookies on Christmas Eve, and you can't ignore everyone
you care about just to avoid a little effort on your part. You
can, however, prioritize what's truly important. Here's another example. This week is Thanksgiving.
(Gee, Dave, really? Thanks for the news flash.) My wife and I
were planning to drive to Virginia to visit her parents over
the weekend. However, our work schedules just aren't cooperating.
She has to work on Thanksgiving, and I have to work on Friday,
and we both want to visit my parents in Chattanooga the following
weekend. (Apart from emergency-type work, I defy you to find
two industries more unyielding to the holidays than her retail
and my publishing, but that's another column entirely.) So what's the solution? Shelia explains the
situation and asks her folks if they would mind terribly if I
didn't make it to Virginia for turkey and spuds. They, of course,
understand and don't mind a bit. Problem solved! Stress reduced! Shelia visits
her family Friday and Saturday, I get to lounge around on Thanksgiving
and we both meander on down to Chattanooga for a leisurely sojourn
on Sunday. It's amazing what can be done when you communicate
and find out what's really important to people. Her parents see me fairly often, and missing
a couple of days of tryptophan-affected conversation won't bother
them a bit. They're happy, I'm happy, and the holidays just got
a lot better. The bottom line? The holidays are supposed to be a joyous time of year. Don't let unrealistic expectations ruin it for you, and for God's sake buy some new linen trivets! |