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David Spates We Dummies appreciate those books There must be a lot of dummies out there.
When I was a kid, I was told that it wasn't nice to call people
dummies. Things have changed a bit since the early '70s apparently.
Now, not only do people call other people dummies on a regular
basis, but they get paid to do it. Paid handsomely, I might add.
Pointing out that other folks are dummies and trying to help
them reduce their level of ignorance has turned into quite the
industry. I'm referring to the wildly popular ... For
Dummies series of instructional books -- a series, as far as
I can tell, which includes more than 1,000 titles. That's a lot
of dummies out there in the world. Poke around on the Internet or, Heaven forbid,
turn off the computer, hop in the car and visit a real bookstore
and you'll see how many subjects there are in the world in which
people feel so hopelessly inept that they'll actually purchase
a book that refers to the buyer as a dummy. Now before all you dummies out there start
losing your cool because I called you a dummy, don't take it
personally. I'm just using the same word that the publisher is
using. If you want to vent your huff at someone, aim it toward
Hungry Minds Inc. I didn't start this dummies thing. I don't
really think you're a dummy, as far as you know. Judging by the number of titles and the sales
figures I've seen, there are a lot of us dummies walking around.
Yes, I'm a dummy, too. Like apparently most people, I have at
least one dummy book in my home, Painting and Wallpapering for
Dummies. I don't like to think of myself as a dummy, but I bought
the book, probably like many of you, so I accept the dummy label
begrudgingly. A recent trip to the bookstore, however, demonstrated
vividly how many dummies we have walking among us, and you'd
be surprised at some of the topics with which these dummies are
having trouble. Getting the lowdown on a few wallpapering tricks
is one thing, but some of the titles I saw gave me serious pause. The title that started this entire thread
of thought is Parenting for Dummies. The wife and I were in a
bookstore recently when I spotted that one. She was looking for
a book about what the expect during the first year of raising
a child when I noticed Parenting for Dummies standing on the
shelf. Doesn't that title just, well, I don't know,
worry you? I can stipulate to myself that when it comes to wallpapering,
I may indeed be a dummy to some degree, but Parenting for Dummies?
The first thought that popped into my smarty-pants mind was that
maybe dummies ought not to be reproducing. If a dummy messes
up the wallpaper in the hallway, then he tears it down and either
tries it again, paints over it or calls in a professional to
do it the right way. But if a dummy is taking a stab at parenting,
well, that just seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Part of me wanted to spend the rest of the
day at the bookstore watching the shelf. I wanted to see who
came in and purchased a copy. I admit that at this point I know
very little about parenting, but I simply cannot go as far as
purchasing a book called Parenting for Dummies. It's quite possible
that the information contained in Parenting for Dummies is strikingly
similar to the information included in the any number of books
the wife and I have read, but there's just something about that
title. I'm probably being a little too literal here, but what
can you expect from a guy who can't figure out wallpaper? Squelching my urge to stakeout the "parenting"
section at Barnes & Noble, I decided to look around the store
and see what issues are causing other dummies to scratch their
noodles. I'm a fairly creative guy, at least for a dummy, but
I never would have come up with some of these hilarious titles.
I guess anytime you tack on the phrase "for dummies"
after a serious topic, you're bound to have some hilarious titles.
Here's some I found that day. Philosophy for Dummies. The first thing I
thought of when I saw this one was Britney Spears reading in
the studio late one night after everyone has gone home. It's
just a funny image to me. The SAT for Dummies. Why a dummy would bother
with a college-admissions test is beyond me. Sex for Dummies. I kid you not. Can you imagine
a better gift to give your spouse after a big fight? Smart Homes for Dummies. Great. Now the houses
are smarter than their owners. Dating for Dummies. Boy, talk about a plan
of last resort. Success for Dummies. I guess Britney's already
read that one. Time Management for Dummies. So many dumb
things to do, so little time. Marketing for Dummies. I think every Madison
Avenue firm believes in this one whole-heartedly. Oh, I'm sorry,
that's Marketing to Dummies. Never mind. Investing for Dummies. If you really are a
dummy, you don't need to be messing around with the stock market.
It's a mystery how you got any money in the first place. Put
whatever wadded bills you have under your mattress. That's my
financial advice for dummies. Carpentry for Dummies. Now here's a book you
definitely don't want to see in the front seat of the guy building
your home. Cool Careers for Dummies. Again, a Britney
favorite. Cocktail Parties for Dummies. I'm not making
these up! I have this vision of all these dull, stupid people
standing around nibbling on Fritos and bean dip, sipping wine
from a screw-top bottle and discussing the plot line inconsistencies
of "Who's the Boss?" Actually, I think I may have attended
that party once. Those are just a few of the titles I found. I think I'll write my own book for dummies. I think I'll call it How to Write a Book for Dummies for Dummies. |