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David Spates Internal duck juice a meal fit for a king You would think if you paid $1,000 for a duck
press, as I did, you would get a quality product. Well, let me
tell you a little something about $1,000 duck presses a
thousand bucks just doesn't buy the duck press that it did 15
years ago. I prepare duck at least once a year, and I
need a duck press I can count on. There's nothing more embarrassing
when the diplomat and his wife are seated at your table in anticipation
of freshly prepared duck and your $1,000 duck press fails to
perform. I mean really! There you are with two prominent dinner
guests in your home and your duck press falls short of the task
at hand. Talk about your major faux pas. That did it for me. It's out with the old
and in with the new this social season. I gave my $1,000 duck
press to Goodwill (I know there are some unfortunate souls out
there who would truly enjoy a slightly used, however inferior,
$1,000 duck press). This year, when I press my duck for the diplomat
and his wife, I'll be using my brand new Mauviel duck press,
imported from France, of course. I just bought it from Hammacher
Schlemmer. Sure, Hammacher Schlemmer is known primarily for selling
odd little trinkets like fur-lined slippers and remote-controlled
Christmas tree watering devices, but it also sells one dandy
duck press, let me tell you. For those few cultureless, insipid readers
who may not know what a duck press is and what critical function
it serves, allow me to use the carefully chosen words from the
Hammacher Schlemmer catalog to clue you in. "The duck press is essential for the
preparation for the classic Duck a la Rouennaise (pressed Rouen
duckling). In the traditional restaurant preparation, the lightly
roasted duck is brought to the main room of the restaurant where
the waiters finish cooking the duck in front of the patrons.
Then the bones and the remainder of the duck are placed in bowl
of the press, the handle is rotated clockwise and the internal
juices which constitute the sauce are extracted through the funnel
spout." Mmmmmm, Mmmmmmm! You simply have not dined
until you've feasted upon internal duck juice. Translation: I'm kidding. Can you believe that anyone would even consider
buying a $2,000 gadget to extract juice from bones, guts and
whatever else is left from a cooked duck? The fact that people
are willing to shell out two grand for such a product signals
a serious shift in American society. The ship may be sinking,
but the band played on and the waiter pressed the duck
entrails. Is it any wonder why some people in the world
despise Americans so much? It's hard to take any group of people
seriously whose members spend $2,000 on a chromed brass kitchen
utensil. No wonder some countries burn our flag in the streets.
We've got people over here who are out of control, have way
too much money and are willing to spend it on $2,000 duck presses. I don't fault Hammacher Schlemmer for selling
junk like this. Companies will sell whatever they can sell, and
if some fool decides to buy it, then the problem lies with the
fool. "Who are you to say what people should
or shouldn't spend their money on?" you may ask. |