CROSSVILLE CHRONICLE

Opinion

 

David Spates
"Therefore I Am"

I need to go back to high school

Maybe I could get back my old locker. Perhaps they'll even let me have my old parking pass. I just hope the other kids won't make fun of me.

Normally, I wouldn't worry about such things, but it seems as though I need to go back to high school. I've forgotten too much of what I've learned, and that bothers me. It makes me wonder what other bits of useful information I've let slip through the old gray matter over the years.

I read a news story over the weekend about the Gateway tests, which, starting with this year's freshmen, will be required for high school graduation. The story included four sample questions the likes of which will be on the test. It's those four questions which have me wondering whether I should try to schedule my algebra class for first thing in the morning, the middle of the day or save it until the last period.

Without tooting my own cerebral horn too much, it was actually just one of the four questions that really sparked my concern -- nothing more than a simple algebra equation, the same kind I had solved ad nauseam during my stint at Farragut High School during the mid- to late-1980s.

I cruised through the first three questions rather handily, I must say. First, two biology questions. One was a question about what would happen to some lazy cuckoos who didn't bother to get off their feathery duffs to build nests for their young. The other biology question focused on the greenhouse effect and how we could, theoretically, say adios to polar ice caps and hello to seaside real estate in downtown Chattanooga. I answered both questions correctly and was feeling pretty good about myself.

Next were the two algebra questions. I was a good high school math student, so I thought I'd ace all four questions and go about the rest of my day with little to no thought about who I'd be asking to the prom. The first question I ripped through like Pavarotti at a pasta buffet. I thought I'd do the same with the second -- Luciano with a fresh plate and a heap of fettuccine alfredo under the warming lamp.
Solve 3(2x+1)-4x=-7.

Initial thought: no problem. Only one variable. Ninth-grade stuff at the latest.

And then it hit me. I didn't know what to do to solve the problem. How could I do something with ease 15 years ago and now have such trouble? I'm no Stephen Hawking, but I know how to solve a simple algebraic equation.

Correction. I KNEW how to solve a simple algebraic equation. I don't know how to do that anymore, and that's what's got me annoyed. I don't like to lose things, whether it be my car keys, my eyeglasses, my hair or my knowledge of basic algebra.

Where had this knowledge gone? Granted, I had not attempted to solve an algebra problem since, well, high school probably. It simply did not come up very often in a newsroom, and it comes up even less when you're taking care of a 4-month-old baby. Very seldom does a newspaper's front page necessitate finding the correct value for x, and Anna hardly ever asks me to help with her algebra work.

Use it or lose it. That's what it comes down to. Our brains are like muscles. If they don't get regular exercise, they become weaker and less useful. While some aspects of my mental prowess have been enhanced since high school, there are certain others, such as algebra, that have fallen away into nothingness.
Were it not for the fact that the example question included a multiple-choice answer, I doubt I would have found the answer anytime soon. I simply plugged in each possible answer until the equation balanced. The answer, for those of you who have had similar algebra deficiencies over the years, is -5.

Hope springs eternal, however. I checked out more example questions on the Department of Education's Web site, and the more questions I looked at and attempted to solve, the more I could feel the mathematical side of my brain kicking in. Perhaps the knowledge is not really lost. Maybe it's just snoozing and all it needs is a wakeup call. The same is true of the biology questions. Many of the questions sparked a small glimmer of recognition, as though I had once known the answer, but it remains buried away along with other bits of information I don't use anymore.

I wonder what else I've forgotten over the years. I know, I know. It's an impossible question to answer. It's like asking someone who misplaced his wallet, "Well, where did you have it last?" If you knew that, you wouldn't have the problem.

There was a time when I could describe, in molecular detail, the process by which DNA replicates. That knowledge is long gone, but I may be able to get the notes from the kid who sits in the front row. I'll have to catch him after class.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.

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