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Mike Moser Behold the power of duct tape What would we do without duct tape? A story in The Chattanooga Times Free Press
caught my eye and I have had quite the chuckle as a result of
the tale about the amazing, diverse product we all have used
at one time or another duct tape. Tim Nyberg and his brother-in-law, Jim Berg,
have found a gold mine in becoming the nation's top authorities
on the mysteries and various sundry uses of that silvery tape. They dub themselves "Jim and Tim: The
Duct Tape Guys," and have produced a series of books, travel
the country for "readings" from their books and have
developed a Web site promoting the unlimited uses and comical
and serious stories about duct tape. "We do duct-tape stand-up comedy, basically,"
Nyberg said in the interview. It reminded me of my most infamous brush with
duct tape notoriety. In the late '70s and early '80s I was editor
of the St. Clair News-Aegis in Pell City, AL, and as was
customary back then, was invited to the governor's mansion in
Montgomery with other newspaper editors from across the state
to have breakfast and an informal discussion of state issues
with Gov. Fob James. I had just purchased a new Dodge Mirada which
had less than 2,000 miles on it when I drove to Montgomery for
the breakfast/issues session. We were just finishing breakfast
and the governor was chatting informally with us when a motorcycle
policeman in jack boots appeared at the door and asked for the
owner of the Dodge Mirada. My heart sunk. I thought I might have inadvertently
parked illegally on the side street beside the mansion and was
going to be publicly reprimanded in front of my fellow scribes.
Instead, the officer told me I was needed outside because my
car had been involved in an accident. To make a long story short, I arrived outside
to see the front of my brand-new car clipped. Someone had run
a stop sign, been T-boned and knocked into the front of my car.
I wanted to throw up. A governor's aide came outside and told the
officer to have the car towed to a Dodge dealer on Montgomery's
Southern Bypass and the governor's office would call and request
the car be repaired well enough for me to make the two- and-a-half-hour
drive back home. I stayed the rest of the day for the meeting
and around 3 p.m. the staffer drove me to the dealer where I
saw one of the funniest sites I had ever seen. My car was sitting there held together with
wire and ... you guessed it ... duct tape. They had duct taped
my headlight back in place but the front of the car looked like
a face with a drooping eye. The aide looked at me and said, "If you
get home before dark, you should be OK." I was scared to death the headlight was going
to pop out, but I made it home with a new-found appreciation
for duct tape. Now comes Jim and Tim and if you want a laugh,
you have to go to their Web site: www.ducttapeguys.com. The site offers features like Duct Tape 101,
Get Your Duct Tape Gear Here, Duct Tape Headline News and The
Gospel According to Duct Tape. My favorite site is the Top 10 Duct Tape Uses,
in categories ranging from back to school to prom apparel, duct
tape uses for Valentine's Day, Halloween, Mother's Day and the
California energy crisis. Here is a sampling: ·Top 10 back-to-school uses for duct
tape: Construct your own backpack! Cover a grocery bag entirely
in duct tape, then duct tape the bag onto your kid's back (over
clothing to avoid back skin and neck hair loss). ·Best offices uses for duct tape: Use
No. 8: As a practical joke, use duct tape to tape the backs of
desk drawers so they won't open. ·Valentine's Day uses for duct tape:
No. 9: Wrap the heart-shaped box of chocolates in five layers
of duct tapes so your "chunky honey" burns calories
when she/he opens it. ·How Duct Tape can help the California
energy crisis: No. 9: Turn off the television. Create the ultimate
in reality TV: Duct tape your cat and dog tail-to-tail and watch
the hilarity begin. No pets? Take turns duct taping each other
to pieces of furniture and time the escapes. ·Ten Holiday uses for duct tape: No.
1: Duct tape great-grandpa upright in his chair. ·Ten Father's Day uses for duct tape:
No. 1: Duct tape the toilet set up. ·Top 10 reasons why you should wear
duct tape to the prom: Reason No. 7: The gals' dads love those
hard-to-remove duct tape gowns. The site also has funny true stories from
news sources around the world involving duct tape. A favorite
was the guy caught by a night watchman trying to steal the small
town's fire truck. Since a policeman couldn't be summoned, the
watchman duct taped the suspect to a utility pole in the middle
of a parking lot where he stayed for five hours until a police
officer arrived to take him into custody. Ya gotta love duct tape. |