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Mike Moser Couldn't they wait until
my birthday? I am so mad. No, I am angry. Wait, I think
I am hurt more than anything. Now before you say it, I know these are good
folks. They do a lot of good, but I am not one of them, so leave
me alone and quit trying to recruit me. I am not ready for this
and may not ever be. Sure, I knew the day was coming, but I have
four months before I could even become official ... so why are
they licking their chops to get my membership fee? Heck, they
even issued me a temporary card with an ID number. Today in the mail I received my invitation
to join the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP). It's not even my birthday, not for four months.
Aren't they rushing things just a bit? Aren't they getting just
a little too excited about all this? Do I look like I have one
foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel? I can remember when 35 seemed like an old
age to be. My kids constantly remind me how old I am, and how
more ancient my thought processes and ideas are. I thought the
elderly were supposed to get respect, but the older I get, the
more wisecracks I get from my kids. What is a bit humorous to me is that my parents
are in denial. Not only do they not believe they are old, they
both retired from one job so they could go to work at another.
Granted, both are working part time but they do so because they
want. I can hear my mother roaring at this news,
thinking it quite funny that I received such a jolt in the evening
mail. My father would be looking at the optimistic side, figuring
up all the discounts and such. When I saw the envelope, I knew exactly what
was inside. Opening the letter just confirmed my fears. How did
the rascals know I was approaching the big 5-oh? I was more than a bit amused as I read the
invitation to register for membership. The discount king was
even offering me a discount on membership, if I purchased three
years instead of one. That would be optimistic, wouldn't it?
Kinda like expecting Social Security to be here when the big
day really does come? Oh, I know it is nice to get those dinner
discounts and cheaper hotel rates, etc. And I suppose the group
health is OK if one can afford it, and free tax preparation sounds
nice although the computer makes it so easy these days. I just don't know if I am ready to go to the
counter and whip out the AARP card along with my 20 spot to pay
for a meal. It is kinda like confessing. Or conceding, conceding
that I am getting "((O L D))." It is not that I am vain. I am not, at least
not about age. But, I hate being stereotyped and being a card-toting
AARP member kinda stereotypes me, no offense, mind you. I don't really want the kids to have in writing
something to confirm the suspicions they had of their dinosaur
dad. I am young. I feel young. I don't look so young, but I don't
look so old, either. Well, I guess it is time to end this column. I have to go to the grocery store and check out the all-bran cereals and compare prices of prune juice. Maybe I should grab a bottle of Geritol while I am there. · · · |