This year being home for the holidays means not even leaving the driveway. Evidently we did too good of a job hosting the yuletide festivities last year, because the Charette clan is coming back for seconds. Which means letting the dust settle on my home improvement project, lest the sugar cookies be coated in insulation fibers.
Of course I have no one to blame for this predicament but my procrastinating self. What started out as a spring project has become a well-seasoned winter task of running electrical wires, hanging drywall and inventing new curse words. I had hoped to finish off the lower level of our modest abode before Christmas, but that won't happen unless I can hire away Santa's elves as day laborers. Not that I could afford their Curly Toe Shoe union rate to tape and mud drywall.
In other words, this do-it-yourself project is on don't-do-it-now holiday hiatus until the new year.
Which is why I spent this past weekend vacuuming up staples and sawdust in order to make the room presentable for our pending guests. As cleanliness goes, the concrete floor falls well short of any eating off of criteria — although the six year old and under crowd would think nothing of picking up a pica-flavored candy cane. Those sticky little fingers are also the reason why I spent a half hour gathering up power tools and assorted not so blunt instruments. I'm no Miss Manners, but a reciprocating saw is not an eating utensil found next to My Little Pony place settings at the kids' table.
While others might work themselves into a gastronomical knot preparing a Christmas feast for 14 people, I'm having a harder time stomaching the thought of my skim work on display. The rosemary smashed potatoes might get rave reviews, but the ham-fisted drywall hanging could induce the dry heaves. I'm just glad the dimmer switch works for the recessed lights.
So if the dried onions on the green bean casserole taste a little grittier than usual this year, perhaps the self-adhesive wall span tape didn't live up to its name. Then again, I might be looking at the eggnog glass half-empty when it comes to furthering my home improvement this holiday. I'll stipulate that before we break out the desserts, everyone has to hang a sheet of drywall on the ceiling. If the supply of joint compound dries up, we could cook up a 40 gallon bucket of figgy pudding for a top coat. Or in a pinch, Aunt Millie's bourbon fruitcake might work — although that would violate several flammable building material codes.
I just hope that I remember to wash off the 10 inch drywall knife before we cut into mom's pumpkin pie.
Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com