September 14, 2005
Freebies often prove a costly choice
By
Herald Editor
The thin line between want and need is often erased by a single word - free.
As with other dirty four-letter words, free can be a costly mistake. The sum of free parts may not equal the whole lot of trouble that could ensue by dragging home one man's trash. Other times -mixed metaphors be damned- it's worth paying the price for a good freebie.
Unfortunately, my moral dilemma compass loses its way with not so shiny metal objects. If a freebie is full of patina and possibility, I'm a lost cause.
Embarrassingly enough, this week's lost cause involved a broken down bike - a girl's model no less.
The bike sat, flat tires forlorn, near a gravel road so far off the beaten path Robert Frost wouldn't take it; the path or the bike. At 50 yards away, I was intrigued by the swoopy handlebars and old-school fenders. From a few feet away you could see sprung seat springs and a chain last oiled during the Nixon administration. At this distance I also noticed the bike's best attribute: a hand-scrawled sign with the single word no pack rat can resist.
I navigated the minivan ever so slowly past the pedal bike. Even with the windows up and the air conditioning on, this siren called out to my inner Oscar the Grouch. I tempted fate and applied the anti-lock brakes.
"What are you doing?" asked my wife, knowing we had not reached our weekend destination of friends' family cabin on Platte Lake.
"Oh ... I saw something." I said matter-of-factly, hoping a generic sentence wouldn't raise suspicion.
Of course after 12 years of marriage, my wife had me at 'oh.'
"Are you looking at that bike?," she asked in a sentence poised on the precipice of where question marks dare to tread.
"Yeah. Check out those handlebars," I said, hoping the chrome would blind her to my stupidity.
Instead, she saw right through my ham-fisted ploy.
"Are you serious?," she asked, knowing full well my inability to grasp this particular adjective.
"Yeah, but it's free," I replied, not even feigning the 'I'll fix it up for our three-year-old daughter' good intention countermove.
My wife smiled and I gave my best ah-shucks-maybe-I'll-sneak-back-here-at-night-and-see-if-I-can-dismantle-a-bike-to-fit-inside-a-glovebox grin. However, when Sunday came we left and the bike stayed.
Trust me, it wasn't easy for a pack rat to part ways with untapped potential. Such is the greasy and rusty bait I fall for, even though I know it's a spring-loaded trap. Even I've come to realize that free can mean cost prohibitive without the initial down payment. Sometimes there just isn't enough duct tape or Bondo.
Then again, once you've crossed that thin line, it's hard not to go back -metaphors, $3 a gallon gas and costly freebies aside.
Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or email gleiva@gtherald.com