July 14, 2004
Strong family ties
Mike and Becky Dornoff raise 20 special needs children
By Carol South
Herald contributing writer
Destiny, the snuggler.
Molly, no boundaries, no fear.
Katey, the shadow.
And each of the dozen others are special in their own way, in many ways, in the eyes of their parents: Mike and Becky Dornoff.
The Acme residents have a home filled with the challenges of 15 developmentally disabled children and adults. Some are medically fragile, five are tube fed, 12 wear diapers 24/7, but all have the good fortune to have been adopted by the Dornoffs.
Over the years, they have adopted a total of 20 developmentally disabled children: an unplanned symmetry of ten sons and ten daughters. Having buried one this year and with four others moved away and as independent as they are able, the remaining 15 at home keep them busy and happy.
Just don't call them saints.
"There's nothing saintly about this," declares Becky Dornoff in her characteristic straightforward way. "I like taking care of my kids, handicapped kids are cool and I like being their mom."
"And I'm a tough mother, too," she added, chuckling. "If nothing else, I'd be outnumbered otherwise."
Dornoff enjoys her kids, the unconditional love they dole out in huge helpings and the enthusiasm they have for even the smallest thing.
"Handicapped kids are fun and normal teenagers, when you go to the mall, they want the money and then go to the other side and pretend they don't know you," she said. "My kids want to hold my hand in public, I'm the cool mom!"
Married for 23 years, the Dornoffs discovered early on that they could not have children. They met working with the handicapped: Mike as a special education teacher and Becky a bus driver. So they began their adoption odyssey nearly two decades ago as an outgrowth of their love for these special children and their deep Christian faith.
Becky Dornoff extends her ministry to encouraging others to adopt special needs children by volunteering for the Adopt America Network. Over the past 16 years with that organization, she has helped match 500 children with adoptive homes.
"In America, a special needs child is anyone who is not a healthy, white infant," she noted.
In her family, the special needs stem from a range of issues: Down syndrome, shaken baby syndrome, cerebral palsy, meningitis, fetal alcohol syndrome or premature birth. They are veterans of late-night trips to emergency rooms for some of their more medically fragile children.
As for the volume of diapers, which are delivered by the case, the Dornoffs maintain an unflappable attitude about it all.
"If they're wet or stinky, you just change them, I don't count," said Becky, noting that both are at-home parents almost full time. "There are worse things in life than changing a messy diaper."
"The big thing is they've got to sleep through the night and they've got to smile," she added of their family's informal adoption criteria. "You know, you change that diaper at 30 years old and a little smile goes a long way."
The Dornoff's have adapted their quad-level home into a working home for these children, creating nine bedrooms and adapting their living environment to meet the range of needs. Two washers and two dryers help with the four loads of laundry Mike Dornoff does every day.
They installed a sprinkler system to provide time to get out in case of fire and have adapted a number of play spaces. The eat-in kitchen features a long picnic table where they all eat together, consuming the 'vast cauldrons' of soup that Mike Dornoff creates.
The Dornoffs have also created a network of helpers - a neighbor who cuts everyone's hair and a pastor who will move in so the couple can take occasional vacations.
Many of the children attend school, though some of the adults are between programs due to state budget cuts. Both parents point to the excellent programs available in the area for disabled children.
"We couldn't do what we do without the school's support," Becky noted. "To really give them a full life and do everything we do, we really couldn't do it."
With the love and grounding of a real home, most of their children have exceeded expectations.
"It's just amazing sometimes what being in the right family will do," said Becky Dornoff.
Some children, however, have a poor prognosis and are already deteriorating physically. The Dornoffs take this in stride, saddened but determined to provide as much love as possible for as long as needed.
"Some of the kids will deteriorate and the therapies will just slow the inevitable," Mike Dornoff said. "In others, things will improve or get better."
For more information on the Adopt America Network, call 1-800-246-1731.