December 22, 2004
Christmas count reaches nigh status
By
Herald Editor
The countdown to Christmas is official at nigh. You can tell it is almost December 25 when mall music stoops to dogs barking "Jingle Bells."
Overall, most Christmas traditions are fondly observed - or in the case of Aunt Millie's fruitcake, highly preserved. Unlike Furbies or Teddy Rupskin, Christmas conventions have a long shelf life.
With this in mind, here are a few offerings of excessive in excelsis deo - no fat free Soy Nog allowed.
- Making a list and circling catalog pages twice. Siblings no longer squabble over the Sears and Roebuck wish book. However, book marking the Small Plastic Parts Destined to Imbed in Your Carpet or Flesh toy company website for Santa seems crass. Although my handwritten pleas often brought the cruel irony of tube socks in a stocking. Thirty years later and I'm still troubled by the Rock 'em Sock 'em Robot/Little Professor calculator Santa gift gaffe.
- No time like the present. Like most procrastinators, last-minute Christmas shopping is my bag. While others search for stocking stuffers in April, I'm the guy perusing the gas station on Christmas Eve. Only someone with XY chromosomes would take "it's the thought that counts" as a literal statement. Trust me, brake fluid and a Dale Earnhart Jr. Chia Head - not a "just what I always wanted" Christmas gift.
- Letter perfect. Some Christmas cards fall into the category of warm insincere wishes for a nondescript happy holiday. The rest are cards sent from actual humans; often relatives still on speaking terms. Then there are the form letter folks extolling the virtues of their overachieving offspring. However, sending a cover letter with your Christmas card - a bit over the top.
- Santa Claus is coming to town. I once played the part of the jolly old elf. An odd misnomer since I was 17-years-old at the time. Not surprisingly, those in the room fully potty trained didn't buy my act. The fact that I knew what Nintendo was probably tipped off the pre-teen crowd. Santa seems like a great gig: summers off, no shaving and free cookies. However, just remember you'll have thousands of kids bending your ear every year - if not scream in it - and only one permissible four-letter response.
- Rise and shine. There is no greater anticipation than Christmas morning - whether you wear footed pajamas or not.
It's official, only three days until Christmas. Howl along with the canine chorus and have yourself anything but a nondescript holiday.
Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com