December 1, 2004
Holiday photograph unexpected gift
If a picture is worth a 1,000 words, there's no need to write Christmas cards this year. We only have to make sure "the pout" is postmarked posthaste.
Like most seasonal affect disorders, our obligatory holiday photo was neither holly nor jolly. In a matter of two weeks, we'll have the 10x13 glossy to prove it.
A family photo - or the archetypal offspring on a runner sled shot - falls under fruitcake holiday icon. Every year these To: and From: gifts are dutifully exchanged. Although the sight of little Jimmy and his nose goblins is harder to swallow than Aunt Millie's 80 proof-cake.
That being said, last week we dressed our two and half- year-old in chiffon and exorcised her nostrils. With backup red velvet outfit in tow, we arrived 15 minutes early for our scheduled photo shoot. Unfortunately, that meant 900 more seconds in the waiting room at Godot's Photography.
For the next hour and a half, it was Romper Room meets Lord of the Flies. While kids crawled under chairs in their Sunday best, parents started going up the wall. I guess we somehow missed Ella's name being called - probably about the time the kids were trying to set the DVD player on fire with Piggy's glasses.
When it was finally Ella's turn in front of the camera, our once willing subject had lost her focus. She had that slack-jaw stare I get watching Teletubbies. The smile across her lips was more forced than Ukrainian presidential election results.
About the only thing she wanted to do was play with the props. However, giant plastic jelly beans seem a bit out of context in a Christmas photo.
The real props go to the portrait studio photographer. W.C. Fields warned about working with kids and animals; yet these souls brave four-year-olds in pigtails. The job should really offer hazardous duty pay. A bomb disposal technician is protected by a KEVLAR suit. These guys get a squeaky rubber duck to prevent a catastrophic explosion.
However, even body armor wouldn't stop parents insistent on the perfect picture of their imperfect offspring.
After five shots, we found our keeper - the pout. After all, nothing says 'Happy Holidays' like a little chiffon-clad girl sitting on a sled, cuddling a teddy bear with her bottom lip sticking out. We even skipped the "rust-proofing" of portrait studios: whimsical backgrounds, color tints and sepia tone.
So this year, no fretting over Seasons Greetings, Feliz Navidad or 972 other words. Indeed, a picture says it all.
Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com