September 24, 2003

Michael's Place offers healing hand

Families share stories, tears and laughter every Monday evening

By Carol South
Special to the Herald

      The healing power of tears and laughter, fellowship and sharing is the hallmark of Michael's Place.
      The two-year old program serves young people and their families who have experienced the death of a loved one. Meeting every Monday evening at Immaculate Conception Middle School, volunteer facilitators help participants work through and accept their feelings. Families stay in the program as long as they need to, typically coming to months of weekly meetings.
      Norma, who declined to give her last name, said Michael's Place has provided a safe haven for her and her family to mourn the loss of her son, Mitchell. Mitchell died last year in an accident at the age of 13. A gregarious, loving and active boy, Mitchell left behind four older sisters, his mother and stepfather and many other relatives and friends.
      Devastated by her loss, Norma found Michael's Place last spring after attending other grief groups that just did not fit her family's needs. She now attends weekly, usually with numerous other family members and friends coming along.
      "The program has helped us all a great deal and the children's program works with the kids on their level, in their way they learn how to heal," said the Kalkaska resident. "The adult's program is time for fellowship and healing."
      "For all of us, it is a time to learn together that we can cry, laugh and heal as a whole unit," she added. "That is the whole reason why you are a family, so when one or more of you are weak the rest are standing strong for you."
      Monday, the anniversary of Mitchell's death, was a wrenching time for the family. Facilitators at Michael's Place always acknowledge these difficult anniversaries with a special meeting: the weekly dinner consists of the loved one's favorite foods, afterward the family shares memories, photos and music with the group. Finally, everyone goes outside and family members release balloons containing messages to or mementos of their loved one into the evening sky.
      Grieving rituals are rare in our society, where a fast food mentality extends to the grieving process, said facilitator Jacquie Wilson. Like all facilitators, Wilson volunteers her time to the program out of a deep commitment to helping others.
      "Grief is a taboo subject," said Wilson, who leads the teen group and has been a volunteer for two years. "We do not deal with it well in this country and dealing with death is essential, it is part of life and we'll never be able to escape it."
      Norma agreed that the silence and awkward moments she experiences, coupled with expectations that she should be done grieving by now, are frustrating.
      "People avoid talking about Mitchell and you'll have hundreds and hundreds of people tell you to get over it," Norma said. "All grief is the same pain, a deep pain but one that all of us feel. How we deal with grief is what's different."
      Chris Dennos founded Michael's Place two years ago to provide families such as Norma's the safety and support to fully grieve a loss. After losing her cousin, Michael Dendrinos, in 1971 when he was 14, she saw first hand the challenge of grief: the lack of rituals or outlets for these powerful emotions. Children, especially, need support after a loss.
      "Children do not grieve the way adults do, they can only grieve a little at a time," said Dennos, president of the Michael's Place board of directors. "A lot of children are ignored because they don't look like they are having problems, they may be playing or laughing, but it will come out with interrupted sleep patterns or bed wetting."
      Michael's Place also celebrated their two-year anniversary this weekend with a sold-out fundraising concert featuring the music of flutist Alexander Zonjic. Held this Saturday evening at the Milliken Auditorium and followed by a reception, the funds raised will help continue the program, which in two years has helped 40 children and teens.
      "I think two years into it we are much farther ahead that I thought we'd be," Dennos noted.