October 15, 2003
Program pampers cancer survivors
Recovery Plus offers health information and fashion show
By Carol South
Herald contributing writer
Pampering themselves with hugs, love and paraffin wax, 80 area women gathered for the 15th Annual Recover Plus Program.
Held Saturday at the Waterfront Conference Center, the program was for women who either are breast cancer survivors or currently battling the disease. The event began with an hour of pampering featuring mini massages, paraffin wax hand treatments and other health and beauty information. The program also featured information on nutrition and exercise, two additional components of a healthy lifestyle.
The Zonta Club of Traverse City sponsored the event, which was supported by the American Cancer Society. A committee of breast cancer survivors or professionals who work with women who have breast cancer organized the program.
As they surfed the conference room, the walls rang with laughter and hugs abounded. Among these women all facing or having faced the same dreadful words - "You have breast cancer" - an instant bond was formed.
"It's been helpful, just being able to talk to the women here is nice," said Robin, of Luther, who was diagnosed in March with breast cancer. "I really enjoyed the speaker, she really hit home."
Mary Raymer, a psychiatric social worker and a licensed family and marriage counselor, spoke for an hour on Acts of Grace: Self-Esteem for Women Living with Breast Cancer. In discussing the much-used term of self-esteem, Raymer noted is not about the externals in life - something that often confuses women.
Women, she said, are very focused on externals - how they look, what their body is like, their clothes. Another major component of women's self-esteem is what they provide for others, how they give and nurture.
These external feature or behaviors often come at the expense of a woman's own needs.
"Many women tend to give and give and give, while giving very little to ourselves," said Raymer. "Their self-esteem is based on what they can do for others."
Even after being diagnosed with breast cancer, which rocks the foundation of their lives, women have a hard time caring for themselves first.
"If I had a nickel for every time a woman said, 'I'm letting people down,' I'd probably be in a hut in the Bahamas right now," said Raymer.
Instead, Raymer believes that self-esteem is the ability to reach out for help when needed. A woman having the confidence to nourish herself, seek out and accept support, is a woman with self-esteem. Being pro-active counters feelings of helplessness, feelings that so often accompany a diagnosis of breast cancer.
"Self-esteem says, 'Help me, I'm scared,'" Raymer said. "Self-esteem is not necessarily receiving support but seeing that you can ask for support."
"The courage to reach out seems to be the piece that builds the resilience and the self-esteem in women," she added.
She also outlined other ways to build self-esteem, including monitoring self-talk, fighting black and white thinking, living by personal values, setting goals, accepting changes, humor and inspiration.
Raymer also noted that women completing treatment often feel cast adrift. Having put all their energies into getting through the regimen, their whole identities into surviving it, they don't know what to do with themselves when it is over.
"They may be doing great physically, but they are cast adrift emotionally," Raymer said. "It is normal to feel scared and confused after, losses and transitions shake our world, but losses and transitions can also help us to be the best we can be."
"Many of us find we are much more resilient that we thought we were," she added.
An event such as the Recovery Plus Program is a way for women to reconnect with their needs, for them to nurture themselves the way they nurture others, Raymer said.
The Recovery Plus Program wound up with a lunch and fashion show. Donning outfits they picked out from area stores, seven breast cancer survivors modeled for the show. While they paraded their creation, the show's host read their breast cancer story.
"I've done this a couple of times," said Cheryl Snyder of Traverse City. "It is fun. A lot of gals won't do it because they don't want to be on display, but it is fun."