October 8, 2003
Walk remembers children
Families honor memory of babies at annual Traverse City event
By Gretchen Murray
Special to the Herald
Nine months, a time frame most commonly associated with a pregnancy, ideally is a happy waiting period - a time of joyful expectation that culminates with new parents bringing home a healthy bundle of joy.
But life doesn't always go as planned, and for whatever reason, sometimes a couple may come away from the hospital empty handed.
For the past 12 years, the labor and delivery nurses at Munson Medical Center have been helping parents who have suffered the loss of a child due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy or stillborn birth remember that child by sponsoring a "Walk to Remember" each October. The walks are held in conjunction with National Perinatal Bereavement Month.
About 50 mothers, fathers, siblings and grandparents turned out for this year's walk on Saturday that began in Clinch Park.
"We don't offer this as closure," said Beverly McCaw, a labor and delivery nurse at Munson and facilitator of this year's event. "This is a time set aside - a ritual that people come back for each year. They may have other children, but this is a time when they can remember and honor the ones they lost."
McCaw and her coworkers volunteer to sponsor the walk, which they feel is a part of the standard of care that the maternity department at Munson offers.
"Usually things go fine, but statistically Traverse City demographics show that about 25 times a year parents experience the loss of a child anywhere between 16 weeks gestation through term and one month beyond.
"We never know when its going to happen, so helping parents deal with grief is also part of the job of a labor nurse," McCaw said, adding that some delivery nurses have completed additional counseling training.
The walk offers parents support and the opportunity to reflect and share their loss. The ritual of it offers comfort to those still grieving.
During the first walk 12 years ago, the group planted a "Remembrance Tree" near the Clinch Park Zoo. It has become a tradition for parents to write their child's name on ribbons which then are tied to the tree. Each year the tree is rededicated as part of the event, which also includes prayers, music and a speaker.
Randy and Kathy Smith of Traverse City have attended the walk almost every year. The couple was part of the original group who organized the walks in 1990 and who, along with McCaw and other volunteers, started a support group, Resolve to Share Parenting Experience.
While mourning the stillborn birth of their son, Benjamin, Kathy Smith heard about a similar walk taking place in Grand Rapids. When the couple was asked to serve on an advisory board, they suggested a walk, and it has become an annual event ever since.
The support group, now known as RTS Bereavement Service, is a resource Munson nurses still offer to couples seen in the outpatient and emergency rooms as well as in the maternity ward.
The Smiths, who have three other children, have kept Ben close in their hearts these years, and they can sympathize with what other parents go through.
"It will never be OK that our son died, but we live with it," Randy Smith said.
"For us, it's a time to come together and to let other people know there is a place. They're not alone," Kathy Smith said.
Now the couple turns their attention to the new faces that they see attending every year. Because Traverse City's birth demographics have held true over the years, about the same number of people, somewhere between 35 and 50, have attended the event each year.
"It's a gift to see that this is helping other people," Kathy Smith said. It's a healthy outlet and something you can do right away," she said. "You don't have to wait 15 years to catch up with your grief."
"The biggest thing we can offer is hope," McCaw said. "When you're so intense in your grief, time doesn't move. But time goes on. Kathy and Randy have survived, and sometimes parents need to see that to have hope."
The community RTS Support Group meets from 7:30 to 9 p.m. the third Tuesday of each month at Cedar Run Eye Center, 3830 W. Front St. For more information, call 935-7412.