July 16, 2003

The King and I: Elvis CD burns dad

By
Herald Editor

      Musically speaking, I've never considered myself a rabid Elvis Presley fan. The "Jailhouse Rock" lip sneer was cool, the Vegas jumpsuits just tragically hip.
      However, Ella thinks Elvis is the undisputed king.
      Twenty-six years after his undignified dethroning, the King of rock 'n' roll still makes the girls swoon - at least one 16 months old. Then again, listening to 30 Elvis songs ten times in a row leaves me all shook up, too.
      The story of how our modest Cape Cod house became Graceland II rings with a familiar refrain: it's all my fault. A few months ago, I moved our stereo receiver to the basement to watch "Two Lane Blacktop" in surround sound. So now in order to listen to a CD, you have to boot up the computer.
      However, my little high-tech hi-fi swap proved to be a big mistake. It is the reason why Elvis Aaron Presley is now a fixture in our living room.
      As with most kids her age, Ella loves herself. Self-absorbed as this sounds, she is enamored with her photographic likeness. Like Narcissus catching a glimpse of himself, Ella is transfixed by the pixels that comprise our computer screen saver. Even when the monitor is dark, she will point and patiently wait for "baby" to awake from sleep mode slumber.
      While music can soothe the savage beast, it can also do wonders for a teething toddler. However, the day I put "Elv1s: 30 #1 Hits" into the computer something unheard of happened: a human was burned by a CD.
      Everyday since, Ella points at the computer screen and utters one word - mmsic. Being well-versed in babble, I don't need a pocket translator. She wants one thing and one thing only: The King. No alt-rock, blues, jazz, ska, punk, classical, or old new wave will do. I've even tried playing my wife's John Denver CD, but that only causes wailing and gnashing of teeth. Ella isn't overly thrilled about the album either.
      Instead, I've become the DJ at WKING; all Elvis, all the time. I know, too many call letters, however, the station manager was insistent on the format.
      Of course we do other things than listen to Elvis all day. We read Elmo books with "Suspicious Minds." We have peanut butter and banana sandwich lunch dates with "Hard Headed Woman" and "A Big Hunk O' Love." There are also "Don't Be Cruel" make me take naps and "Stuck on You" diaper changes.
      The afternoon is topped off by a stroller ride past manicured lawns as daddy whistles "In the Ghetto."
      To make Elvis matters worse, last month my mother came for a visit. For two days, Nana Leiva and Ella danced to songs grandma still has on vinyl. Thankfully I didn't have to explain the alien concept of 45s to a blank-face six year old.
      Like her proboscis orifice fixation, I'm hoping Ella will outgrow her Elvis phase.
      Then again, an Internet search of the word "Elvis" yields about 3,080,000 results. According to a recent Miami Herald story, a Fort Lauderdale hairdresser was auctioning a molar from the mouth of Elvis Presley on eBAY. Someone offered $2 million for the glass-encased tooth. Another bidder hoped to clone the King of rock 'n' roll. I even once saw a TV documentary featuring a woman who owned what she called the "maybe Elvis toenail," which was a clipping she found in the Jungle Room at Graceland.
      Given these grownup responses to Elvis, I'd be happy if Ella listened to "It's Now or Never" - well, never again. Actually I'm just biding my time until her first date when I show up at the door in a sequin jumpsuit. Then we'll see who wants to dance to "The Wonder of You."
      While I could pull the plug on my daily overdose of Elvis, in my heart I don't want the music to stop. You can only dance to "(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear" with your giggling girl and Winnie the Pooh for so long before the moment becomes a memory.
      So to the undisputed king, I say "thank you ... thank you very much."
      Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com