February 5, 2003

Hee Haw luck puts curse on cars

By GARRET LEIVA
Herald editor

      Writers often quote the words of others when they've run out of their own. However, for once in my life, I've found a moment succinctly summed up by Hee Haw. To quote the eloquent TV hayseeds, if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
      This past week, in less than 48 hours, we went from a two car to a no car family. One vehicle fell victim to its second accident in two months, the other a blown water pump. I was behind the wheel in both cases with misfortune riding shotgun and Lady Luck stuffed in the truck.
      Talk about gloom, despair and agony on me. Somewhere Buck Owens' guitar gently weeps.
      Things started taking a turn for the worse Thursday night. As luck would have it, another vehicle made an ill-advised left onto U.S. 31 and into the front of my car. In the nanosecond before squealing brakes and smashing glass, there were choice words followed by the silence of utter disbelief. The next ten minutes were spent cursing myself for not wearing a winter coat while making polite conversation with the woman who had just wrecked my car.
      Before long, hardly any evidence of an accident remained. The cars were towed away, broken bits of bumper swept up and the eyes of rubber-neck drivers returned to the road. Eventually I departed the scene after my wife and baby came to the rescue in our Jeep.
      Admittedly, I was not forthright with the investigating officer about the cause of the accident. While the other driver was ticketed for failure to yield, I committed an equally egregious error - minivan shopping. Setting off a chain of events, on the way home from work I voluntarily stopped to look at vehicles that I once called "transportation for the dammed." Those four minutes of impaired judgment set me on a collision course with a late model Pontiac.
      Or the real contributing factor could be that our car is cursed.
      The accident Thursday night was not our first tow truck trip to the auto body shop. Two months ago, the car was in a roadway run-in that inflicted $4,600 worth of "cosmetic" damage. However, no amount of rouge or lipstick will repair twisted tie rods. Although our insurance adjuster might disagree, this car has been a total loss for quite some time.
      For a car named after a verb, the Focus moniker has been a real misnomer. From numerous safety recalls to replacing the engine at 10,000 miles, this car expels lemon-scented exhaust fumes. Unfortunately we remain the unwilling host for this parasite until our lease runs out in six months. Until then, this compact "Christine" will continue to be hell on wheels.
      Thankfully there is an apt Abel in our two-car garage to counteract this four cylinder Cain.
      Rusty but trusty, our Jeep is utilitarian transportation. Without power windows or locks, you might not get from point A to point B in style, but you will get there. At least until Saturday when the water pump blew its cool and left me out in the cold six miles from home. Although the Jeep temperature gauge read 260 degrees, I was the one seeing red.
      All I can say is good thing for cellular phones, since there are few good Samaritans out on the road. Maybe I look too much like Rutger Hauer in "The Hitcher." The one guy who did stop to inquire about my predicament was driving - of all things - the minivan I had looked at less than 48 hours ago.
      Two days and $356 dollars later, old reliable is back in the garage; although I'm having doubts about the latter and the drive train. The repair bill is a perfect example of Murphy's Law and months containing an extra pay check.
      The car catastrophes of last week sound like a hard luck country-western song (without the verse about picking up mom from prison in the proverbial pickup). However, things could have been worse. Car parts, unlike human lives, can be replaced. Given the recent tragedy over the skies of Texas, a broken headlight is inconsequential.
      When it comes to luck, some people are born with it, while others are cursed or blessed with the dumb version. As automobiles go, I seem stuck with Hee Haw luck. Somewhere Junior Samples is smiling.
      Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com