April 30, 2003
Ties: Pain in the neck fashion attire
By
Herald Editor
Today I did something totally out of character - I wore a necktie.
Voluntarily wearing a tie seemed a strange choice of wardrobe considering there was no wedding, no funeral, no job interview. Just a run-of-the mill Monday and I decided to slip into a four-in-hand knot.
Like many men, I've had an uncomfortable long-term relationship with the necktie. My stomach binds in double Windsor knots at the thought of strangling my windpipe with a wool knit blend. Yet here I am dressed like a junior high English teacher - early 1990s tie and all.
My tangled history with this dubious fashion accessory started with the training wheels of ties - the clip-on. Perma-knot neckties were a boyhood rite of passage. No Easter church service or township hall wedding reception would be complete without the tie that didn't need a neck.
Thankfully, the clip-on didn't get hung up on climbing trees in your Sunday best - unlike most mothers.
However, there comes a time in every boy's life when he outgrows the clip-on. Among the struggles of early adolescents - puberty, pimples, perspiration - comes the vexing tie tying tradition. My dad taught me how to nick my neck with a Bic, he also tied my first four-in-hand knot. Although I can shave without slicing a carotid artery, my necktie knots are a bloody mess.
Of course I can't fault my father for all this necktie nonsense. Instead, I blame the Croatians.
According to Neckties.com, the history of neckties dates back to the direct result of a war. In 1660, in celebration of its victory over the Ottoman Empire, a regiment from Croatia visited Paris. It so happened that the officers were wearing brightly colored handkerchiefs fashioned of silk around their necks, which stuck the fancy of King Louis XIV. These neck cloths, which probably descended from the Roman fascalia worn by orators to warm the vocal chords, were made an insignia of the regiment of Royal Cravattes.
The Austro-Hungarian Empire might have won the war, but man has been fighting a losing battle with this fashion attire ever since.
For years, fashion historians and sociologists have predicted the demise of the necktie. After all, unlike its utilitarian brethren the belt, ties are an element of attire with no obvious function. Yet ties remain polka dot and plaid albatrosses around our necks. Perhaps they are merely part of an ingrained tradition; like Christmas fruitcakes.
Another thought is that men's neckties are pantyhose and high heel labor force sympathy pains.
As long as world and business leaders continue to wear neckties, it seems workers will follow suit - and tie. Thankfully our company dress code does not require lassoing my neck with a half nelson of full Windsor knot. However, the spandex jump suit has to stay in the closet.
All this begs the obvious question: what is a tie doing around my neck on a run-of-the-mill Monday? After all today there is no wedding, no funeral, no job interview. I can't even blame my wardrobe choice on dandy dressers in the Croatian army.
Perhaps a tight tie around the neck reminds us to loosen up and breathe life in. The tie that binds shouldn't have a four-in-hand knot.
Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com