July 17, 2002
Luck: Non-winner faces try again reality
When it comes to long-shot stakes and "no purchase necessary" chances, I'm not a loser, just a non-winner.
Now don't get me wrong, I consider myself very fortunate. I've just never been blessed with dumb luck. Thankfully, I have no delusions of lottery ticket grandeur or bet the house against the house at the casino. Instead, my brushes with Lady Luck amount to a tiny tinge of maybe quickly followed by try again reality.
Knowing the break-even-at-best hand fate has dealt me, I shy away from card games and 90-1 thoroughbreds named "Soon to Be Glue." I'm just not a betting man. Which is odd because I'll think nothing of risking life and limb, but reluctantly gamble a dollar.
Perhaps my hesitation comes from knowing how people get addicted to the thought of winning. Not that I don't try a game of chance once and awhile.
Every day at work I roll the dice against the lunchroom vending machine. Will it take my crumpled dollar bill or spit it back in my face? Can I sneak a Canadian quarter past the change slot? Will the Dorritos fall or dangle precariously from row A1, taunting my taste buds?
I have beaten the machine a few times and "won" a free pop (with the purchase of another) and $5 off an oil change. I did score a Major League baseball cap, but selecting the Detroit Tigers seemed like such a non-winner thing to do.
While I'm not a junk-food junkie, a couple years ago I did become addicted to a certain candy. For nearly two weeks, I couldn't stop buying M&Ms, not because of red dye 40, but because of a 1972 Dodge Dart. I had convinced myself that I could beat the best odds in the "Classic or Clunker" giveaway by wanting the worst car. Unfortunately, my payoff was all the artificial flavors I could eat and two extra pounds.
Call me a pessimist, realist or just a cheapskate, but I never buy raffle tickets - even if you need be present to win and I'm the only one in the room right before the drawing. Nor have I ever fell prey to Svengali "you might already be a winner" bulk mailings or comparable e-mails.
My only moment of weakness was calling the Turkey Store hot line to see if the game piece stuffed under 1.2 pounds of ground bird was a winner. An automated voice told me verbatim what I already realized: "Sorry, you are a loser."
Unlike most people, I've never bought a lottery ticket. My math skills might be marginal, but even I know the odds don't add up. According to the Math Forum @ Drexel website, if you bought 7 million tickets for a six digit lottery the sample space of 14 million possible combinations puts your probability of winning at 50 percent. Of course you're more than math-challenged if you buy seven million lottery tickets.
However, some people fly in the face of real world fractions and decimal points. These people luck out, are in luck or seem born under a lucky celestial object. My father is such a person. The man has won golf clubs, cordless drills, a Hawaiian vacation and countless door prizes. He even won a snowmobile; although "New York guy drives Ski-Doo into northern Michigan tree and breaks wrist" is more of a hard luck story.
After all these years, I'm still surprised he hasn't won the lottery despite the mathematical improbabilities. I have a feeling the number will come up before his does.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote "shallow men believe in luck." Normally I'd concur, but there is an unopened Mt. Dew on my desk with a tinge of maybe lurking under the bottle cap. Or another 20 fluid ounces of non-winner reality.
Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com