February 20, 2002

Big moment only a phone call away

By GARRET LEIVA
Herald editor
       After more than nine months of waiting, the big moment could arrive any second - a deadline that might spell 'trouble' but few other words since I only type 50 words per minute.
      Deadlines are part of the everyday vocabulary of journalists. However, having a column and a baby due at the same time has left me at a loss for words - so to speak. Suffice it to say if this newspaper was delivered on time, it probably meant our baby was not.
      Despite my best intentions, complete sentences are hard to keep track of when your train of thought derails every time the phone rings. Much like the wordplay in the previous sentence, right now my repartee stinks worse than Pepe La Pew's French accent. Not that I'm seeking sympathy, but it's hard to come up with witty pop culture references when your life could transform simply by picking up the receiver.
      So if it seems like this column is purely off the top of my head, it is because my mind is elsewhere. These days I am concentrating on breathing. After all, if I pass out during labor who will utter helpful things like "good job honey," and "did you know the vending machine downstairs is out of M&Ms?" Of course, I only jest because the phone hasn't rung in the last five minutes.
      While my wife stopped seeing the humor in the pregnancy weeks ago, I am still milking it. Sadly, looming multiple deadlines force me to follow up such a remark with the phrase, "bad puns aside."
      So without further ado ... bad puns aside, the rosy glow of pregnancy has turned into the flush cheeks of frustration for my wife. Strange as it sounds, feeling great makes her upset. At this point, she would happily trade places with gut-busting Ash in "Alien" if it meant jettisoning our little creature.
      Perhaps the time has come to take that bumpy two-track trip down Hoosier Valley. Knowing our luck, however, the tow truck driver would charge extra for having to cut the umbilical cord.
      As I write these words, it is six o'clock Monday, February 18, which means this is the last paragraph. As any good journalist knows (and a few of us bad ones, too) deadlines must be met. For this week's column, the deadline was two hours or contractions less than 15 minutes apart. Besides, the phone is ringing and I should probably pick up just in case.
      Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com