December 4, 2002

Gearing up for winter driving worries

By GARRET LEIVA
Herald editor

      Gearing up for winter driving is never easy - especially when your wheels are stuck in white stuff.
      Flurries, squalls, lake effect, it all adds up to another winter of discontent trying to keep the Buick between the ditches. It may begin as an early Halloween trick, a thankless drive on Thanksgiving or - like Aunt Gertrude's fruitcake - a nonrefundable Christmas gift. Whatever the calendar date, winter driving is a season few celebrate as a happy holiday.
      White-knuckle-black-ice-turn-the-steering wheel-with-the-spin driving is a certainty in northern Michigan. However, it usually takes a few days of fender benders before drivers slow down for snowy, slippery roads. When it comes to dashing through the snow in a fuel injected, 200 horsepower sleigh, there is usually very little laughing all the way. Instead, for many drivers, it is the sweaty palms and eerie silence of utter panic.
      That is unless you have 4WD written next to the gear shift.
      For some reason, there are those who think having two driveshafts makes one impervious to ice and show. To poorly paraphrase Karl Marx, four-wheel drive is the opiate of the winter driving masses. This coming from a guy who drives a Jeep - so yes, I'm throwing figurative snowballs through other 4x4 glass windshields.
      Even someone obtuse in mathematical matters knows that a three-ton Suburban attempting a panic stop in the snow at 60 mph adds up to an insurance deductible.
      While the flying four-wheel driver is a passing lane pariah, the porthole peeper is an equally risky road menace.
      Every year you see this guy coming from a mile away, after all it is hard to miss the five foot high snowdrift on the roof of his car. Unfortunately, he might also have a hard time missing you since he apparently uses a toothbrush to clean his windshield. The peeper brings new meaning to defensive driving as he peers out the small window of opportunity around thawed out wiper blades.
      Driving this time of year can be downright dreadful. What should be a milk run to the grocery store becomes a heart-pounding exercise in dodging Dodges and steering clear of Saturns. Turn left, go straight. Turn right, go straight. Brake, keep going. Accelerate, go no where fast. And that's just getting out the driveway.
      Memories of driving on frozen roadways are burned into my brain.
      Most power-brakes-won't help-me-now slides into the ditch involve my first car. No vehicle better defined the term "winter beater" than my 1978 Chevette. The car had an uncanny ability to do 360 spins on black ice that would make Dorothy Hamilton dizzy. It just had trouble sticking the landings. Thankfully, Uncle Dick and his Kabota tractor were only a phone call away.
      There is one other winter driving image that I will carry for the rest of my days behind the wheel - antenna balls.
      Before living in Michigan's upper peninsula, I had no clue to the function of these brightly colored foam balls. When snow falls at a rate of six feet in 24 hours, however, their purpose becomes perfectly clear - unlike the center line. This way at an intersection you know who has the right of way: the yellow smiley face or black eight ball.
      This week, while rocking the car transmission from D to R, remember spring is only five months away. However, even half-full optimism gets a cold shoulder when you're stuck in new fallen winter discontent.
      Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com