September 26, 2001

Reason to smile amid tragedy

By GARRET LEIVA
Herald editor
       A sense of humor still escapes me, but I've found a little reason to smile.
      It has been 16 days since the shattering of glass, concrete and life as we knew it in America. In the aftermath of senseless violence we try to establish a sense of order, a sense of purpose. We find solace in flying a forgotten flag, lighting a candle or holding a child's hand. We return to work, to school, to the ball park for ourselves and thousands of strangers we will never forget.
      While the Stars and Strips no longer wave at half-mast, it still feels like a period of mourning. On top of that, rainy days and Mondays, just like Carpenters songs, always get me down. However, irony- even laughter itself - seems like a misplaced emotion right now.
      It is called survivor's guilt and many of us are feeling the aftershocks even a 1,000 miles from ground zero. There are moments when I get caught up in the everyday of paying utility bills, making dinner and booing the anemic Detroit Lions. People call it returning to normalcy, but I'm not sure what that means anymore or how to live it.
      Then around 11 p.m. this past Sunday I experienced something lacking since September 11 - utter joy. For the first time I felt our unborn child move. The sensation was slight, like a pencil eraser tapping your skin, but the experience was monumental.
      When I woke up Monday my jaw hurt from smiling for eight hours. After the last two weeks, it was a good kind of pain.
      Since June, my wife has been keeping a journal for the baby. Each dated entry contains hopes, dreams and desires for a life yet led. Strangely, for someone whose livelihood revolves around words, I've had difficulty putting thoughts down on paper. In light of recent events, however, it now seems imperative. After all, how many thoughts must remain unsaid in the dust and debris of New York and Washington D.C.
      Still, I am uncertain of the words to describe this moment in history: evil, goodwill, strife, unity, fear, courage. What nouns, adjectives and adverbs do you chose to impart?
      One thing I am absolutely sure about is the return of laughter to our shores. As U.S. writer James Thurber once noted, "humor is the other side of tragedy ... one of our greatest and earliest national resources which must be preserved at all costs." This coming from a man who lived through two world wars and the Great Depression.
      For the time being, however, I'll cherish a little reason to smile.
      Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com