November 21, 2001

Taking elbows off table to give thanks

      With all the chaos and calamity lately, now more than ever the fourth Thursday in November is a time for thanksgiving - and I'm not just talking turkey here.
      While the Pilgrims filled their faces with seethed lobster and boiled turkey at that inaugural Thanksgiving, they did take their elbows off the table long enough to give thanks. In that tradition, I would be remiss if I didn't express my utmost gratitude for the following:
      • Fatherhood
      Surprisingly, the 'big day' is only three months away and I haven't freaked out. Instead, I've assembled the baby's crib with instructions and without swearing. I've attended prenatal visits and not passed out from embarrassment at the words "ripening of the cervix." I've even gone shopping for baby items and braved aisles of Boppies, blankets and breast pumps.
      Two weeks ago, my wife and I started Lamaze class with three other couples. The first night our instructor had us draw stick figure pictures of the birth experience. I felt like a giggly fifth-grader listening to Mr. Johnson explain about the birds, bees and ovulation cycle. Except this time we were encouraged to doodle inside the margins of our paper.
      Undoubtedly, as our due date draws closer my calm demeanor will crack. My prediction is around January 21 my wife will find me curled up in the fetal position inside the crib wearing a pair of Huggies and whispering, "the horror ... the horror." Kind of like Kurtz in "Heart of Darkness" without all the deconstructive literary analysis.
      Dirty diapers aside, I'm eternally grateful for the expectant joy of fatherhood.
      • Grand summer vacation
      Hiking the most rugged terrain on earth in 110 degree heat sounds like a thankless proposition. For me, it was a paid vacation. This July, my wife and I spent two days traversing 20 miles of the more than 1.2 million acres known as the Grand Canyon. We voluntarily did this despite the chipper "WARNING Heat Kills ... Cheat Death" pamphlets handed out by the National Park Service.
      Successfully hiking the Grand Canyon makes you thankful for three things in life: pay showers, polyurethane midsoles and clean underwear.
      • Humility
      It sounds strange but I'm truly thankful for those moments in life which knock you down a peg or two.
      That is why I'm offering thanks for the chance to stick my hands inside a Front Street garbage can this past Sunday. While taking photos of Santa's arrival in Traverse City, I accidentally threw away a film canister containing a week's worth of work. Thankfully, I found it between a wad of saliva-soaked chewing gum and a petrified banana peel.
      You can be thankful I washed my hands before typing these words.
      Another slice of humble pie I've swallowed is the perpetual project car parked in my garage. Nothing teaches you humility like using self-taught mechanic skills to rebuild a car engine. It is Murphy's Law with sockets and screw drivers. This project has humbled a staunch self-proclaimed handyman to seek professional help; perhaps for the car.
      • Detroit Lions
      Not many people would offer up thanks for an 0-9 season. However, I have found several Honolulu blue and silver linings in the clouds of despair.
      In the past, I was obtuse enough to care about this team. Would the "Run-and-Shoot," "Barry left, Barry right," or West Coast offense work? Would they make the playoffs? This season, however, the only question is first round draft pick. No vein-popping yelling at the prevent-the-win defense. No offensive verbal air attacks on the offense. No question about whether they'll snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in the fourth quarter.
      Thanks to the winless Lions, my blood pressure is lower, I can breathe easier and I don't have to sit on the edge of any household furniture. I even get yard work done on Sunday afternoons.
      Three hundred and twenty-seven years ago, a day was appointed for giving thanks for divine goodness. Today, the fourth Thursday in November remains a time of thanksgiving; for fatherhood, foraging through garbage and perfectly awful football.
      Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com