March 14, 2001

Cross this one off the to-do list

By GARRET LEIVA
Herald editor
       Perhaps this is crossing the line into deconstruction writing, but after I finish this sentence I'm only 600 or so words away from scratching this column off my to-do list.
      There was a time when life didn't require to-do lists. Today, however, I could make a laundry list of reasons because, like it or not, I'm a to-doer.
      Writing a list of things you seek to accomplish seems the epitome of organization. Especially if you use stars or asterisks to emphasize importance. In reality, however, my lists are a veiled guise thin as a Post-It note.
      While my lists may lack good penmanship, they are chock-full of good intentions. Of course, the road to hell is paved with well-meaning to-do lists. Unlike belated birthday cards with dogs performing impossible biped acts, the thought is not what counts here. To-do lists require doing.
      Inevitably, two areas of my life require reams of sticky notes: work and grocery shopping.
      Scattered about my work desk are reminders to call so-and-so, file such-and-such and attend to this-and-that. While seemingly a smattering of sticky notes, there is actually a well-established Post-It protocol: big deal equals big sticky, little deal equals little sticky. It's no Franklin Planner or Palm Pilot, but it works.
      While some people boast a steel trap mind, shopping turns my gray matter into a sieve. I could have a perfectly clear idea of what goods I desire, but once I start pushing that wobbly-wheeled cart, my judgment gets cloudy. Without a list, I'm like Ponce de Leon searching for the Fountain of Youth in children's wear. This is why I often return home bearing lint brushes and bok choy instead of bread and milk.
      Sadly, I anticipate the to-do lists only growing longer even as my life on earth gets shorter. Especially if I become a parent; talk about a lifelong to-do list.
      Admittedly, I've had this reoccurring nightmare that I'm driving a minivan full of kids to soccer practice while talking on the cell phone and spilling a cup full of decaf on a dashboard littered with to-do sticky notes. The scary part is that I don't even drink coffee.
      Unfortunately, by the time I am able to retire my to-do lists will read as follows:
      1. Inhale.
      2. Exhale.
      3. Put one foot in front of the other.
      While most of us fall under the category of to-doers, I strongly doubt Thoreau or Sartre ever wrote out a grocery list. Elvis and James Dean - way too cool to "pick up toilet paper on the way home." And even if she had opposable thumbs, I doubt my dog would need to write down "1. lick self. 2. lick owner."
      Alas, I'm neither a self-declared existentialist nor the king of rock 'n' roll, so it looks like a lifetime of sticky notes await. At least with this sentence, I can cross one off the list.
      Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail at gleiva@gtherald.com