January 31, 2001
Names on tip of tongue slip mind
By GARRET LEIVA
Herald editor
When it comes to names, I fall in the category of never forget a face. Which is why I greet many people on the street with a polite "hello" and a blank stare.
Whether it's on the tip of my tongue or deep in the recesses of my brain, names escape me. It seems like I draw a blank when it comes to every Tom, Dick and Hannah.
So what's in a name? A lot according to Herbert Barry, a leading authority on names. The University of Pittsburgh professor's research documents that there are advantages and disadvantages to both common and unusual names. Having a common name generally insures that a person will not be ridiculed and provides a connection with more people. But common names also make it more difficult for a person to establish an identity.
Perhaps this is why my parents chose an unusual first name for me -so I wouldn't forget it. Although my father tells me the inspiration came from Wild West sheriff Pat Garrett. According to Webster's Dictionary, however, I am the space just below the roof of a house; an attic. Which is better than having the dubious household name of Mr. Thomas Crapper of Crapper Toilets LTD in London, England.
A child of the 1970s, I was the lone Garret -one "t" or two- in a world of Michaels, Davids and Johns. My homeroom elementary class was also full of Jimmys and Jasons. Having a unique moniker had its advantages (teachers remembered your name) and disadvantages (teachers remembered your name).
Recently, I discovered that Garrett cracked the top 100 list of most popular baby names in 2000. It is number 72, right between Bryan and Dakota. However, I doubt the name's meteoric rise has anything to do with the killer of Billy the Kid.
Now of all the decisions made in a lifetime, none seems more daunting than naming a child.
While I'm hardly an etymologist, logic dictates that every would-be name should be scrutinized for the playground taunt factor. Simply put, if it can't pass the " ... banana fana foe fana ..."name game test don't use it. After all, sticks and stones may break bones, but names can severely bruise egos.
Evidently, some parents overlook the obvious when naming their child. How else can you explain the fact that Tonsillitis Jackson has brothers and sisters named Meningitis, Appendicitis and Peritonitis. Or the wealthy Texas couple that named their daughter Imma without first considering their last name: Hogg.
When it comes to world record parental blunders, consider the name officially used by one "Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorft Sr."
How he fits all 192 letters below "Hello, my name is ..." is beyond me.
Of course, if my wife and I ever do have children they might be eight years old before we bestow a proper name. The reason being that my spouse realizes the seriousness in which I told my friend he should name his first born "Reid Reed." Despite my ingenious Rư nickname, they opted for Luke.
After all these years, I'm not sure why certain people make an impression on me, yet their names don't make a dent. So if you say "hi" please excuse my blank stare and polite greeting.
Perhaps Elaine from "Seinfeld" was right and everyone should wear name tags. That way I'd know every Tom, Dick and Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorft Sr. on the street.
Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail gleiva@gtherald.com