February 28, 2001

Sick of winter cabin fever

By GARRET LEIVA
Herald editor
       Scholars tell us that the month of February or Februarius has 28 days to keep the Gregorian calendar up to date. In northern Michigan, however, it simply means a few less days in a long winter of discontent.
      While March might go out like a lamb and April showers bring May flowers, February makes me sick.
      Every year around Groundhog's Day the symptoms start showing. I stop watching the Weather Channel. A snow speed bump builds up at the end of the driveway. The lawnmower gets more than a passing look.
      It doesn't take an M.D. behind your name to know this is not the common cold or a bite of flu bug. No sniffles. No coughing. No stuffy head, fever so you can rest and have a good morning medicines.
      The diagnosis is simple: a full-blown case of cabin fever.
      I'm not alone in my suffering. Cabin fever is highly contagious and prolonged exposure to winter weather and Survivor episodes can cause massive outbreaks. Unlike mad cow disease or the bubonic plague, there is a simple cure for cabin fever. Unfortunately, treatment is still three weeks away.
      Medically speaking, many people struggle with a condition called Seasonal Affect Disorder. While SAD is a serious medical condition, I fight cabin fever with a self-prescribed grain of salt and overdose of humor. Putting a kilowatt bulb in the table lamp also helps.
      Of course, it's not easy to keep a sunny disposition in the dead of winter. For many people, short days and long winter nights is a maddening equation. We are not talking slight displeasure here but Peter Finch "Network" outbursts in the grocery checkout lane. People even wait by the phone so they can hang up on telemarketers.
      Frankly, I'm surprised Punxsutawney Phil didn't become a steak and cheese sandwich after seeing his shadow this year. After all, six more weeks of winter is food for thought not easily swallowed in February.
      Which is precisely why- I believe- we have Valentine's Day on February 14 each year. Basically it turns our thoughts from homicidal tendencies to sweet-nothings. Historians tell us this holiday is in celebration of the Roman martyr priest Saint Valentine. This patron saint of lovers is the reason why we send greeting cards containing words such as doth, twane and thou.
      However, cabin fever can lead to the occasional "all snow and no sun makes Jack a dull boy" typed valentine's.
      While April has been called the cruelest month, few kind words have been uttered about February.
      According to an Italian proverb, February is "the shortest month in the year ... also the worst." Joseph Wood Krutch once said the most serious charge which can be brought against New England is not Puritanism but February. Of course he never saw the Patriots play in Super Bowl XX. William Vaughan referred to February as when winter's back has been broken - after everybody else's. This obviously coming from someone who has shoveled his own driveway.
      Whether it be the winter blahs, cabin fever or an extreme case of SADness, I sympathize with all sufferers. Sadly, scientists can unravel the human genome but they can't make 28 days feel shorter. Until then, try some preventative medicine and think spring.
      Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416 or e-mail at gleiva@gtherald.com