Mike Moser "I Say" Published May 20, 2005

Cube steak proves to be bad karma

Have you ever been asked what you would choose if you were given the opportunity to pick your last meal?

I have often made a joke for years out of stating that if I had to choose a last meal, it would be cube steak, mashed potatoes and gravy with cornbread and ice tea. To me, it just doesn't get much better than that.

I enjoyed that meal Monday night. I doubt I will get to have it again, at least, not anytime soon. The meal is strictly bad karma and I suspect I will never convince Susan to fix my favorite cuisine again.

It took some convincing to get Susan to fix my favorite since frying foods is not something New Zealanders do. She had to learn the finer art of making gravy and I have to admit that she has mastered it well. Unfortunately, Monday night will probably be the last time we have it at home.

One of the first times Susan labored over the stove, trying to fry the cube steak just right, I had to run out the door to go to a news event - a serious traffic accident that had resulted in a death - and Susan and Prudence were left to dine alone.

The second time she fixed cube steak we received a telephone call from Susan's sister in New Zealand, informing us Susan's mother had died. That alone is enough to swear someone off frying cube steak.

It was months before we had the meal again, and sure enough, we had a major incident with one of the children that required not only our attention, but our patience in calming the upset child and dealing with the issue. Another meal tainted.

This week Susan decided without input from me to treat me to my favorite meal. I mentioned the bad karma associated with cube steak, potatoes and gravy and being the superstitious type, she immediately shouted, "Knock on wood."

I jokingly tapped my forehead. She reached for an end table. Too late.

After the meal Susan checked her e-mail only to learn that her mother's brother had died. And Tuesday morning I had to rush out to another fatal traffic accident.

Normally I am not superstitious. I made it through Friday the 13th without incident. We even traveled to Alabama last weekend to visit my parents.

However, a bit of caution is called for here and something inside me says we probably should not tempt fate any more.

So, goodbye cube steak, mashed potatoes and gravy. I will miss you more than you know.

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Mike Moser is the editor of the Crossville Chronicle. His column is published periodically on Fridays.