Gary Nelson "Gary's World" Published May 6, 2005

Thank you mother for the sacrifices she made

I'm sure you must know by now that Sunday, May 8, this weekend, is Mother's Day. Well, if you didn't know it, now you do. You have no excuse not to at least call your mother, take her some flowers or go and spend some time with her. After all, if it weren't for your mother, you wouldn't be who you are today. She may not even be a biological mother to you, but a family member or friend who raised you. Whatever the case may be - call her.

Believe me, I'm well aware that there are plenty of people who don't always get along with their mothers. I also know that there are plenty of people who simply adore their mothers and spend as much time with them as they can. For the latter, you have my total respect and are highly regarded in my book. My mother and I didn't always see eye-to-eye on things, but I always respected her and her opinion.

For those of you whose mothers have passed, I can relate to you and know that your mother is dearly missed. Not only are they missed on Mother's Day, but nearly every day of the year. Holidays and special occassions are always the hardest, though.

This Sunday will mark the second Mother's Day since my mother passed away. I was under the impression that these events were supposed to get easier as time moved on, but in my case it hasn't. I think of her every day.

I moved to Tennessee when my mother was nearing retirment age in 1989. She worked a few more years after that as a high school librarian and drove nearly 60 miles one way to work at the school in Knox County, Indiana. The majority of my adult relationship with my mother was a long-distance relationship. I would see her and my stepfather usually once a year, maybe twice. We did speak on the phone quite a bit, though.

She always called me on birthday, anniversary, family happenings or during big, national news events in order to get my take on things. The news was one thing we had in common. When I lived at home, we often watched the news together and then "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson.

After I moved away and mom got older and retired, she began a slow decline in health. We still talked on the phone quite often, but our conversations were usually spent talking about mom's ailments, my stepfather's ailments and all the problems they were having. Although I was glad to hear from my mother, when watching my then 2- and 4-year-old children after working a 12-hour shift, these conversations could become frustrating. My suggestions to her would often be met with contradictions or reasons why they couldn't work. She often would make me feel guilty for moving away and her not being able to see my children grow up.

Believe me, many of those conversations left me agitated. On many occasions she would call me just to find out why I hadn't called her in such a long time or to say, "You never call me." Often times we spoke, but she had forgotten. Those conversations were often one-sided and agitating to me. As mom got worse off and her memory began to fade, our phone conversations were like a tape recording being played over and over. She would forget previous conversations or in some cases, she would even forget what we talked about at the beginning of our conversation. A series of mild strokes left her once sharp-as-a-tack memory dull and fading. My sisters lived with it on a day-to-day basis because they lived close to her and took care of her and my stepfather. God bless them.

Sure, I admit that I often hung up the phone after our conversation either frustrated or aggravated. Most mothers at one point or another have a tendency of worrying about every little thing that happens and telling you about how things should be done. Or they tell their children the way they ought to do things in their lives. All this, as frustrating as it is, comes from love and concern.

Believe me, when your mother is gone, you will miss all of the free but frustrating advice. What I wouldn't give to have one more of those frustrating conversations again.

The coming weekend marks a milestone for my family. Not only is it Mother's Day, but both my wife and I will receive our college degrees. My wife, Kim, will be able to become an elementary school teacher - a dream and goal she has pursued for many years.

I am so proud of her.

It hasn't been easy for her, raising two children while working part-time and going to school full-time. Yet, she still finds the time to put everyone else first and help the kids with their mountains of activities including dance, soccer, play rehearsals and homework. Sacraficing what little free time she has of her own for her family - a true mother.

Her mother and father, who live here, have helped us all along the way with their babysitting and taxi services for our children. They have always been supportive and like parents to me. We never could have done this without them.

My wife and I will receive our college degrees on the same day this weekend. It will be a day I know that my mother would have loved to have seen. I have a feeling she will be with us anyway. She would have been extremely proud of us. I wish I could share it with her.

So, I offer this to all of you who still have your mother here on earth - call her, go to her, give her a hug and some flowers and tell her just how much you love and appreciate all that she's done for you. Spend some time with her and ask her all of the questions you've ever wanted to ask her. There will come a day when you won't be able to do this and you will wish you had.

If you're having differences with your mother, set them aside. No petty argument is worth wasting the time you have together, now. Spend it with your family. If your mother lives far away - call her and tell her you love her.

To all of the mothers out there - thanks for all you do and all the sacrafices you've made for your children and families.

Happy Mother's Day!

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Gary Nelson is a Chronicle staffwriter. His column appears periodically in the Crossville Chronicle. He can be reached by e-mail at gnelson@crossville-chronicle.com.