David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Nov. 30, 2004

Life doesn't get much sillier than a $41,000 truffle

In a world so full of war, famine, hate, anger and mistrust, I think it's important to seek out the silly things life has to offer. Silliness keeps a smile on your face. Silliness helps keep things in perspective. The serious things are part of existence, but the silly things make life worth living.

How about $41,000 for a truffle? That's pretty silly. A New York restauranteur recently was the high bidder for a 2.4-pound white Italian truffle. It's the highest price anyone has ever paid for a truffle, and the winner, Francesco Giambelli, will use the truffle in dishes at his restaurant, Giambelli 50th.

That's a lot of cash for a fungus. I've never eaten a truffle, but I'd give it a try. I'll try most anything once. I'd love to know what a $41,000 truffle tastes like, although I suspect that either my palate is not refined enough to appreciate such a delicacy or, more likely, I'm not pretentious enough to act as though I can differentiate $41,000 truffle from, say, a run-of-the-mill $20,000 truffle.

Perhaps Francesco will put his prize truffle on what I feel is my true area of culinary expertise -- pizza. That alone might be worth a trip back to the Big Apple. Come to think of it, real New York pizza in and of itself is worth the plane ticket. A high-priced fungus might just spoil what is already nature's perfect food.

In all seriousness, the truffle auction raised about $135,000 from the sale of 19 fungi, and the proceeds go to charities in the United States, Russia and Italy, where the auction was held. It's good to know that something so silly has had a positive effect throughout the world.

And when it comes to overpriced food, I'd be remiss not to mention the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich. I'm sure you've seen it -- a 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich that has the supposed likeness of the Virgin Mary singed into the bread. It sold recently on eBay for a cool $28,000 to a casino, which plans to show it off as a promotions ploy.

I've seen a picture of the holy sandwich, and I must admit there does appear to be a face, but I'm not sure it's the Virgin Mary. I once ate a potato chip that was in the shape of Michigan's upper peninsula. I should have held on to it, but like the ad says, "No one can eat just one."

Although most people consider it a simple coincidence of bread, butter, cheese and heat, there are some who are taking this quite seriously. It's a sign from the Almighty, they say. Now, I would never dare presume to second-guess or even interpret God's plan in all of this, but I can't help but wonder why the Virgin Mary's likeness would reveal itself in a grilled cheese sandwich. The Lord works in mysterious ways, but a grilled cheese sandwich? It doesn't quite rank up there with burning bush or the parting of the Red Sea. I suppose it's all relative.

But I am a mere mortal man. Maybe there is a higher power at work. After all, the cheesy-faced Mary certainly has had a major impact on Diana Duyser. She's $28,000 richer and now finds herself employed by the casino making an even higher salary. They say the Lord helps those who help themselves. Apparently the Lord also helps those who help themselves to a grilled cheese sandwich.

And finally, in one final silly note, it turns out that maybe Bush and Kerry weren't all that different as they appeared. Sure, they had differences in opinion in how this country should be run, but blood is thicker than politics. They're related -- ninth cousins, twice removed. Don't ask me to draw it on a family tree, but there are common genes at work. They even share a famous relative, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner. All three men have family links to Gen. Douglas MacArthur, Franklin Roosevelt, Princess Diana and George Washington, but there are some black sheep in the clan too. Benedict Arnold and John Hinkley Jr. are distantly related.

Can't you just imagine the metaphysical family reunion? Woo hoo! Party in Hef's grotto! Maybe I'm related too. I'll bring the potato chips and truffles.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.