David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Oct. 11, 2005

Knoxville Dave's Ribs: A job (and meat) well done

"Great ribs, Dave."

"Are there anymore ribs, Dave?"

"Come on, fess up. Did you make these, Dave, or did Shelia really do it?"

"Where'd the ribs go, Dave?"

"Dave, you should open a rib joint -- call it Knoxville Dave's Ribs."

Those are just a few of the comments I enjoyed at a recent tailgate party before a Virginia Tech football game. As you no doubt surmised, my fellow tailgaters enjoyed the ribs I served up. Every time someone said something nice about the ribs, I shone a little grin followed by a gracious "thanks."

To be honest, after hearing a dozen or so platitudes, I started to fantasize about Knoxville Dave's Ribs. I'd start small, with perhaps a cozy little restaurant near my home. Then, after a few years of unprecedented rib success, I'd branch out to more locations in East Tennessee. Before long, there'd be Knoxville Dave's Ribs all over the South. After that, Knoxville Dave's Ribs would be synonymous with barbecue all over the country.

Whoa, big fella. Let's reel in this little daydream. It's a long way to Tipperary (wherever that is), and it's a long way from a few juiced tailgaters praising my barbecue to opening hundreds of restaurants across the fruited plains. Finding time to even paint my basement is tough, much less developing America's premier barbecue chain.

Back to reality.

The fact is that it made me feel good so many people enjoyed food I made. After all, how often do you bother to say something positive about your food? I usually just eat it and move on. I fully expect to enjoy it. That's why I selected it to begin with. That's how it works. I eat foods I like. You do, too. I don't know anyone who asked for a heaping helping of brussel sprouts.

Even if something tastes better than I expect it to, I don't usually talk about it. I might raise an eyebrow, make a mental note and that's about it, but my fellow tailgaters were doing much more. Their praise was effusive, gushing and, checking my thesaurus, ebullient.

So I ask again, why would this make me feel so good? It's not as though I'm the first guy to come up with the idea of cooking pigs' ribs. Walk in to any American grocery store and you'll find ribs galore. Somebody somewhere is cooking up a lot of ribs. I'm not the guy who first thought of cooking ribs over fiery charcoal either. That idea goes back to the Fred Flintstone period. Fred loved a good rib. Do I have a special supersecret barbecue sauce recipe that I selfishly hoard? Nope, it's from Lefty's on Peavine Road. Whenever I find myself in Cumberland County, I stock up. I don't pass it off as my own sauce, either, if that's what you're thinking. I keep the Lefty's bottle right next to the cooked ribs for those who want their ribs extra saucy. Of course, if I ever were to make Knoxville Dave's Ribs a reality, I'd have to develop my own sauce. I'm no thief.

People like receiving praise for a job well done. It's as simple as that. Everyone likes to get that gold star, the A+, the pat on the head. If people like the ribs I made, that means I cooked them the right way. Most people aren't so rude that they'll tell me they don't like something, they just won't eat it. If at the end of the tailgate party there were still a big pile of untouched ribs left over, I would know I had failed. I've had some bombs. Once I made West Coast-style fish tacos. There were a lot of those left over. I guess a football game isn't really fish-taco atmosphere. Live and learn and don't catch a punt on your own 5 yard line. Those are good lessons to keep in mind.

Knoxville Dave's Ribs will have to wait. They call me Knoxville Dave because a Virginia Tech fan living in Knoxville is a pretty rare bird -- plus it has a nice ring to it. Who am I? Johnny Knoxville's goofy cousin? For now, though, Knoxville Dave is happy spreading barbecued joy to his fellow Hokies. Everyone needs a good meal before kickoff, except maybe Miami fans. Oh and Virginia fans. They wouldn't know a good rib if it sacked them for a 12-yard loss.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@tds.net