David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Oct. 18, 2005

Fetch, TiVo! Go get it! Good boy!

What's the big watercooler show these days? I honestly don't know. It's been a while since I've loitered around the ol' workplace watercooler. Heck, it's been a while since I've loitered around the ol' workplace -- period.

Being a stay-at-home dad has its advantages. The commute is a breeze, the boss hardly ever chews me out, and every day is casual Friday. But being a stay-at-home dad (or a "domestic logistics technician," as I sometimes refer to myself) has some disadvantages as well. The pay is lousy, promotions are very rare, and 5 o'clock Friday no longer has any meaning for me.

I also miss those watercooler chats. I'd bump into a fellow employee and begin a spontaneous discussion about something remarkable we'd both seen on TV the night before. Those were fun. They were a nice break in the work-a-day schedule. They broke up the monotony in the newsroom -- the daily grind of political scandals, crime sprees, disasters and mayhem. Yes, in a newsroom, even mayhem gets to be routine. These days, the closest I get to mayhem is when a boo-boo requires two Band-Aids.

A few weeks ago I mentioned the watercooler show phenomenon in which people talk about TV shows the next day at work. In its heyday, "Seinfeld" was a perfect example. Even though the Chronicle never had an actual watercooler when I was there, we'd chat about that show wherever and whenever - in front of the Coke machine, around the communal ash tray out back, or next to the imagesetter machine as we waited for it to spit out the day's front page, mayhem included.

I wonder about the watercooler, symbolic as it may be. With the growing popularity of TiVo and other digital video recorders, I suspect TV's immediacy is waning. Just because "Lost" comes on Wednesdays doesn't mean everyone actually watches it on Wednesdays. I have TiVo and am a big fan of "Lost," but before I typed that last sentence, I wasn't sure what day ABC broadcasts it. In fact, before I typed that last sentence, I wasn't even sure what channel it's on. I had to look it up. With TiVo, my most loyal and obedient pet, once I tell it to record "Lost" it records it forever. I don't have to worry about setting a VCR timer, swapping tapes or accidentally recording over our wedding video.

The bottom line is that I can watch anything I want whenever I want. It's great for me, but bad news for the watercooler. If I were still working at the Chronicle, I'm sure I'd want to chat about "Lost" with my fellow employees, but chances are we'd be on different viewing schedules. Just because it came on last night doesn't mean I watched it last night, but I'm sure there are some "Lost" fans who dutifully tune in at 8 Central and watch it, commercials and all, until the credits roll at 9. We TiVo converts, however, might watch "Lost" at, oh, let's say, 7:34 Sunday evening until 8:16. By that time, the watercooler chatter has long since faded.

I can hear some of you now. "Commercials and all?" "7:34 to 8:16?" Indeed. With TiVo, commercials are for other people. An hour-long prime-time show like "Lost" contains about 18 minutes of commercials. Yes, 18 minutes! Sit down in a chair, put on a Barry Manilow CD and you'll get a full sense of how excruciatingly long 18 minutes are. Man, life is too short for that. My pet TiVo happily skips through those annoying, flow-breaking, speaker-blaring commercials 30 seconds at a time with a push of a button.

The only downside associated with instantly skipping commercials is it doesn't give you a chance to go to the potty, get a drink or nuke some popcorn. My wet-nosed little TiVo takes care of me, though. There's a pause button on the remote, and it even works with live TV.

Oh, TiVo, come here. Let me rub your ears.

Even though I'm home more than when I was working full-time, I don't watch TV nearly as much as I used to. Our two little kids have made sure of that, but when I get the chance to put up my feet and soak in some cathode rays, I'm sure not going to waste my valuable TV time wading through commercials. I watch TV less now, but I enjoy it so much more.

Good boy, TiVo. Good boy.

Maybe I should install a watercooler at home. That way I could have the best of both worlds.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@tds.net