David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Nov. 16, 2004

If I'm so DUMB, why do I win at Candyland?

I don't let up on my daughter when we're playing Candyland. I go for the jugular. She wins, and she loses. She's a winner and loser. I know a lot of parents who let their kids win every time, but that doesn't make sense to me. It gives the children an unreasonable expectation that they will always win, and it also doesn't teach them what may be life's most important lesson -- how to lose graciously.

I get the feeling that the parents of the editors London's Daily Mirror always let their kids win at Candyland. Many of you saw or heard about the Mirror's post-election front page that asked, "How can 59,054,087 people be so DUMB?" (The all-capitals were theirs, not mine.) It's a headline written by people who don't know how to take a loss. Even my 3-year-old daughter knows how accept a defeat better than that. If she ever said that to someone who beat her in a game, you can bet that she'd suffer some consequences.

Your guy lost, so the people who voted for the winner are dumb? Come on. Take it like an adult. What's next? Can your dad beat up my dad? Are you going to give me a wedgie? Perhaps, horror of horrors, I have cooties. Nanny nanny boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.

The editors at the Mirror aren't even Americans, for cryin' out loud! Believe me, if I wanted to, I could fill an entire column (or two) with cheap shots directed at the British. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to poke fun at England. The royal family, the bad food, the Revolution, the weather, the wig-toting judges, the dime-a-dozen knighthoods -- the country is ripe with big, juicy targets. But it would all be a little too easy. I'm bigger than that. I don't call people dumb just because their ideas are different. Besides, I am rubber, and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

I voted for Bush. I wasn't particularly thrilled with it, but I did. I felt better about Bush than I did about Kerry, who seemed like he was little more than "someone other than Bush." I've talked to plenty of people who voted for Kerry, but not very many of them say anything about why they voted for him. Instead they talk about why they voted against Bush. I think that was a dominant theme among the Kerry supporters, but it wasn't enough to bring the masses, nor me, into their camp.

I felt a little better about voting for Bush in 2000. Bush had plans at the time, plans that made me feel as though he was the right man for the job, whereas Gore didn't inspire me one bit. Gore seemed too eager to rest on his and Clinton's laurels. Apparently I wasn't the only Tennessean who was less than impressed with Gore. If I remember correctly, if Al had only carried his home state (his HOME state), he would have won the election. It makes you wonder what would be going on in the world now had Gore won four years ago.

So why are we Bush voters dumb, as the Mirror would lead you to believe? Is it because Bush led this country into a war that many people disagree with? If that's the case, the fighting men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan must be dumb too. From the polls I've seen, the majority of soldiers support the president and his course of action.

Is it because Bush makes verbal flubs sometimes? Big deal. I know plenty of people who are very bright, very educated and very committed who do the same thing. For instance, my wife the pharmacist has forgotten more about pharmacology, chemistry, biology and microbiology than I'll ever know, but she misspeaks every once in a while. I, on the other hand, probably speak better than she, but if you need to know about possibly dangerous, possibly fatal, drug interactions, she's the one who has the answers. She's more educated, more knowledgeable and more experienced in that area, and yet she sometimes she says "me" when she should say "I." Pointing out the occasional spoken miscue is one thing, but verbal snobbery is another.

Are there dumb people in this country? You bet there are. Some voted for Bush, and some voted for Kerry. Some didn't vote. That's the reality. Calling all 59 million people dumb because they voted for Bush is offensive to everyone.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.