David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published June 21, 2005

I'm ready to download my brain. Power up the Playstation

A leading British researcher says that in the not-too-distant future, people will be able to download their brains to a supercomputer. A supercomputer? That's a little optimistic isn't it? An old Commodore 64 could take care of some folks I've known.

According to a story from CNN, Ian Pearson said "cyber immortality" could be a reality by 2050. He's the head of British Telecom's futurology unit (whatever that is), so I suppose he would know about such things. To put things in perspective, Ian said the new Playstation 3 is roughly one percent as powerful as the human brain. The gaming console, which is slated to be released in the spring, is 35 times more powerful than the machine it replaces, named, as you might guess, Playstation 2. Ian says if computer development continues on at this clip, "Playstation 5 will probably be as powerful as the human brain."

Great. Just what we needed -- a version of Doom that's smarter than we are.

I'll be 80 in 2050, so maybe I can get in on this. Before I shed my earthly shell, I could plug a cable into my forehead's USB port, which World Emperor Bill Gates mandated every human have installed back in the year 2036. Oh sure, it wasn't the real Bill Gates. His body died in 2029, but he had the forethought and finances to backup his brain with an early version of the technology. Since then, "Cyber Billy" has been running his world government from the comfort of a laptop computer which sits on a desk in Redmond, WA. Thankfully, with the installation of the latest version of Windows, "Cyber Billy" crashes only two or three times a day. Four at the most.

Anyway, back to my gray matter download.

Once my brain in fully installed into a supercomputer, I could then spend all of eternity enjoying whatever experiences are available to a file like me. Perhaps I could take virtual tours of ancient Rome or visit with Babe Ruth or go dinosaur hunting. Once you've been digitized, there's no telling how much fun you could have. There's nothing stopping me from going dinosaur hunting with Babe Ruth in ancient Rome. Viva la Digital Age!

It does, however, bring up some interesting questions. If we will be able to download a fully functional brain into a supercomputer, does that mean the spirit will go along for the ride? Certainly a soul can't be converted into binary code, can it? I wouldn't think so, but I wouldn't think you could digitize a brain either, so what do I know? Many of us have an image in our minds of St. Peter standing at the Pearly Gates, clouds gently floating by as the deserved cross over into Heaven. But what if your soul is stuck on a hard drive? What then? All things being equal, I'd prefer spending eternity in heavenly bliss rather than occupying terabytes of magnetic storage. I can imagine St. Peter checking his book over and over waiting for some righteous soul to arrive only to learn that the spirit in question is digitally locked away on a server rack.

Of course, according to Ian at British Telecom, a downloadable brain will be segregated between the haves and the have-nots, at least for a decade or two. "If you're rich enough then by 2050 it's feasible. If you're poor you'll probably have to wait until 2075 or 2080 when it's routine," he said.

Routine brain downloads -- I'm quite certain that when I woke up this morning, I never thought

I'd be typing those words. So the rich people would have a 25- or 30-year head start on brain downloads? That's not too bad.

In all seriousness, though, it is a tantalizing idea. Wouldn't it be great to have access to some of the great brains in history? Stephen Hawking's body may be deteriorating, but his brain is still a vital resource. It seems a shame to lose such an important thinker simply because of a physical illness. It's too bad we couldn't have downloaded Johnny Carson before he died. I'll bet my kids would have loved him. They'll just have to watch the DVDs. How about saving relatives' brains forever? Imagine the possibilities -- the wisdom, the insight, the experience, the guidance. Uncle Milt could play the ol' pull-my-finger gag for generations.

Now that's progress.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.