David Spates "Therefore I Am" Published Sept. 13, 2005

$110 billion in 90 days -- not everyone's cringing at the pump

Before I do anything else, I'd like to take you back for a moment to happier days, a more innocent time, an age in which we were blissfully unaware. We didn't know how good we had it.

I wrote this in a May 2004 column: "There's some measure of satisfaction and joy in paying $1.85 for a gallon of gasoline. It comes from the knowledge that, compared to my next gasoline purchase, $1.85 will seem like an absolute steal."

Followed by: "If gas prices stay consistently high for years and years, I'll bet we Americans will get the SUV and minivan monkey off our backs and return to high-mileage shoeboxes. Fill-ups of $40, $50 and $60 will get old in a big hurry."

As Edith and Archie lamented, "Those were the days."

It's hard to believe that was a little more than a year ago. Although gas prices have stabilized a tad from the $3.49 I was paying two weeks ago, I never thought I'd yearn for the days of $1.85.

I can understand the price hikes to a degree. It's a simple matter of supply and demand. As long as the demand side of the equation (us consumers) are willing to buy gas at $2, $3 or even $4 a gallon, the supply side (the oil companies) are going to sell it at that price. The hurricane didn't help matters either. Anyone who didn't understand the economic influence of the Gulf Coast before the hurricane surely understands it now.

OK, fine. Economics 101, production lags, a nation at war -- it all adds up to higher prices at the pump, and everyone takes a hit. We're all in this together, right?

Wrong. It was revealed last week that ExxonMobil likely will ring up profits of $110 billion THIS QUARTER. That's $110 billion in 90 days. According to the Boston Herald, it's more net income than the company has ever made in a quarter. It's also a jaw-dropping 69 percent increase over the same period a year ago and a 34 percent jump from the $7.6 billion Exxon made just last quarter. So it's safe to say that the boys over at ExxonMobil probably aren't thinking of trading in their SUVs for hybrids just yet.

I'm very pro-capitalism, honestly I am, but for an oil company to record its largest-ever net income on the back of a fuel crisis during wartime and in the wake of an epic natural disaster is reprehensible. I know looking out for the greater good is not what the stockholders want to hear, but is this really the way people want to make their money?

Fortunately for our family we're in a position in which $3 gas isn't an insurmountable problem, but not everyone is in the same boat. Paying twice as much for gasoline and heating fuel is a serious dilemma for some people. Until someone gets off his duff and comes up with a car that runs on hydrogen, this is going to be a fossil-fuel driven economy, and overly inflated prices will hurt everyone eventually, even the weasels at ExxonMobil and the world's other gas companies.

It's no secret that we Americans need to wean ourselves from the Middle East's petroleum bosom, but I'm not sure it's going to happen anytime soon. The bottom line is we don't mind spending our hard-earned greenbacks on the liquids we enjoy. The problem is that a lot of our favorite nectars aren't sold by the gallon like gasoline is.

The next time you tank up your behemoth, think about the bottled water or soda you just bought. If you pay $1.29 for a 20-ounce bottle at your favorite Kwik-E-Mart, that works out to $8.26 a gallon. Suddenly gas doesn't seem all that unreasonable, now does it?

Would you like some milk for your Cocoa Puffs? If you shop around a little, you might be able to find milk for $2.50 a gallon, but more than likely you're going to spend well over $3 at a grocery store, probably $4 at the aforementioned Kwik-E-Mart. High gas prices will keep that price high, too. It's not like the cows deliver.

The next time you're at home and crack open a frosty brew during the big game, consider that a mid-quality beer like Miller Lite or Budweiser you paid $8 for a 12-pack works out to be a little more than $7 a gallon. If you buy that beer individually at a restaurant, for $3 let's say, be prepared to shell out $32 a gallon. Feel like a mixed drink? You'll need one after you do the math.

And finally, the black gold that Uncle Jed really should have been shooting at is computer printer ink. The $30 "high-capacity" cartridge I use for my little HP desktop printer holds 38 milliliters, which is about 1.2 ounces. That's more than $3,200 a gallon to you and me, Rusty.

It's too bad I can't print my columns with gasoline. Or milk. Or beer. Or hydrogen.

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David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@chartertn.net.